Wednesday, December 09, 2009

The Round Things

In the Olden Days, visitors used to marvel at our family's unusual method of communicating.

"Daphne, could you fetch me the thingy?" my mother would say. "It's behind that other thing. On top of the wotsit."

And I'd go and fetch them, because I knew exactly what she meant.

The Communist did it with the names of famous people.

"You know, Daphne, the one who was in that film with whatisname. The one with the trains. You know, the one who died. And then she died too."

"You mean Brief Encounter? Celia Johnson? Trevor Howard?"

"Yes, I knew you'd know."

Since my mother had her stroke, when she was sixty-eight, she can't think of the names of things quickly, or when she feels under pressure. And at the moment, she can't write things down very easily either, having a broken right shoulder, but she can write with her left hand, given a bit of time.

So when I rang her before I set off home today to ask her if she wanted any shopping, it was a less than ideal situation for her and I had to use all my psychic powers.

"Round things," she said.

I wrote down "tomatoes".

"Long green things."

"Er - - not sure, Mum. Do you mean celery?"

"No, no, long green things. Long. Green."

"Cucumber!"

"Yes, that's right. Squishy stuff."

I wrote down "coleslaw".

"Little yellow things. Tiny."

I wrote down "sweetcorn".

"Green stuff".

I wrote down "lettuce".

"I can't think of anything else."

"Well if you think of anything else whilst I'm driving home, just ring me and leave a message."

"Yes, I will."

The phone rang on my way home. I listened to the message when I reached the supermarket.

"COFFEE WINE CROISSANTS SALAD CREAM THANK YOU GOODBYE".

She always leaves telephone messages as though they're being broadcast to the nation and as though she'll be penalised for using more words than necessary.

I got the shopping. I added a couple of children's ready meals as she likes those occasionally and the adults' ones are too much for her.

It all seemed to be exactly what she wanted.

4 Comments:

Blogger Kippers Dickie said...

This is brilliant Daphne......
...well written and oh, so true.
(being 67, I know the feeling well)
Cheers.....Bernard

7:34 pm  
Anonymous Milo said...

"COFFEE WINE CROISSANTS SALAD CREAM THANK YOU GOODBYE".

That's just what I'd be asking for!

11:02 pm  
Blogger Silverback said...

Oh come on, Milo. It'd be coffee, wine, wine, wine...and err...wine ;-)

Daphne, thank you for not mentioning that you help me out in the same way when I can't remember characters/actors on tv. Bless.

As for your mum. Well you seem to have got veggies sorted and even I guessed a few of those....but what about other grocery and even non food items ? I dread to think !

3:32 am  
Anonymous Oliver said...

I'm in the King's Manor laughing, by myself, looking like a weirdo, thanks to you.

My psychic powers are pretty good too, I got all the vegetables without having to look at your answers... and I got the cucumber first time!

11:31 am  

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