Saturday, December 05, 2009

The Great Eight Hundred and Fifty Billion Pounds Giveaway!

The bosses of the Royal Bank of Scotland screwed up big-time some months ago and it all nearly went bust. Luckily it was saved by my generous offer of help. And your offer of help too, if you're British.

"We're so sorry you screwed up," we said, "and our hearts swell with pity for you. Would eight hundred and fifty billion pounds help at all?"

"Yes, please, and thank you very much," said the bankers.

And now, with it coming up to Christmas and all, the bankers need to buy some new decorations, and shoes for their wee bairns, and a new Porsche or two. You know the kind of thing.

So they're giving themselves one and a half billion in bonuses, which seems fair enough, because they've had a bit of stress this year, what with the banks nearly collapsing and everything.

A few cruel people were unpleasant enough to suggest that perhaps these bankers might give up their bonuses for this year, since the British taxpayers had happily handed over eight hundred and fifty billion pounds, which, when you think about it, is really quite a lot.

And the Board of Big Boss Bankers said that this wasn't fair. And, worse, they threatened to resign. Wow, how this scared everyone! Because, if the board were to resign - - er - - well, I'm not sure what would happen, actually. Certainly, if you went out in the street and gave their jobs to the first couple of dozen people you came across, I'm not sure how they could do worse.

So wouldn't it have been good if the threat, "We'll all resign!" had been quickly followed by the phrase, "Okay, resignations all accepted. Goodbye!"?

This is all infuriating but I really had it brought home to me when I heard on the radio yesterday that the steel company Corus are cutting 1,700 jobs in Redcar, in Teesside, which is already one of the least prosperous parts of the country.

The steelworkers were saying things like "There simply are no other jobs round here that we could do," and "I don't know what's going to happen, and just before Christmas, too" and their shocked voices really got to me.

If by any chance I'm made Prime Minister any time soon, I'm going to take the one and a half billion pounds bonuses from the bankers. And I'm going to share it amongst all the people who have been made redundant in Britain this year. I don't know how much they'd get each, but I think it would be quite a lot, actually.

And then I'd send the Board of Big Boss Bankers to live in Redcar for a while. On the dole. Good.


Blogger Silverback said...

I do love cock-a-knee rhyming slang ;-)

3:12 pm  
Blogger rhymeswithplague said...

I have put in a good word with The Queen to choose Daphne as the next prime minister. Not how it's done, you say? Bother.

5:26 pm  
Blogger WendyCarole said...

My daughter lives on Teesside. Her husband is insensed at what has happened and don't get him stared on the bankers.

6:49 pm  
Anonymous paula (Pixie) said...

I could ramble on about this issue,being a small business owner, how F**king ridculous is it with the banks.
My business manager at Lloyds Tsb who Ive never met & he is based in Birmingham so obviously dosen't know anything about the local area where my business is based but some how took it upon himself in a telephone call to advice me on how to run my business,whichI have been doing quite well for a few years now. As I was getting madder & madder listening to his voice & the content of his conversation I started to think abut what has happened recently with the problems the banks have caused to us all & then for them to get to get baled out of they own mess with govenment money,was just to much. I stopped him in mid flow and asked if I could ask him a simple question about my business before he continued to advice me on how to run it...." Carl the question is "Could you please tell me what products do I sell" ?
Answer: Hmmmmmm well Im not quite up to date with your business he says.......
And this is the arrogance we are all allowing the banks to dictate to us....WHY!!!!! ?????? The recently annouced bonus allowance is a disgrace & should get the vito we need to make our selfs heard.

11:38 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, we would all go out and make ourselves heard if we didn't see every peaceful demonstration end in violence - and not by the demonstrators I might add.

10:23 pm  

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