A Clear Black-and-White Photograph

I like most things about the actors that I work with, but one of the things that some of them do that I don't like is this.

(And, if you're reading this R, you will know that I most certainly do NOT mean you!)

When actors graduate from drama school the first thing they need to do is to get some photos taken of themselves, because a good photo is a vital marketing tool for any actor.

Let me tell you about actors' photos. A clear black-and-white photograph, ten inches by eight inches, is the industry standard. It should be taken straight on to camera, just head and shoulders, no gimmicks, no over-cluttered clothing, no holding wine glasses - a wine glass in your photo is a clear sign that "I am Not A Proper Actor - I am a Wannabe". You don't need a photo of yourself smiling, wearing a T-shirt and then a near-identical photo of yourself with the same smile but this time wearing a dinner suit. If you have different photos, you must look different, as well as your clothes.

And then you put them onto Spotlight, so that casting directors can see them. And then what sometimes happens - not always, but all too frequently - goes like this.

The actor rather likes the photograph of his or her twenty-one-year old self, and when he/she is twenty-two they think oh, well, I've hardly changed at all, so I'll keep this photo for another year. Then when they're twenty-three, they think - - oh, well, I might have changed a bit, but this photo will do for a bit longer.

Then, when they're twenty-four, they think - - oh noooooo - - must get some new photos - - but that'll cost me quite a lot, so I'll leave it till next year.

Then, when they're twenty-five they think d'you know what, I think I looked a bit better when I was twenty-one than I do now - - and I haven't changed that much, so I'll keep this photo a little bit longer.

Eventually, someone like me, in the role of Grumpy Old Agent, says,

"Look, you know that photograph that you've had for six years? Well, when you had that audition last week, you know how you thought the casting director looked a bit surprised? Could it be because on your photo you've got waist-length blonde hair, and now it's short and brown, and you're four stone heavier?"

And then they look at me as though I've just drowned their kitten. And finally, about a year after this, they rush into getting some new photos.

So, since it's my birthday tomorrow and I'll be one year older, I think it's time I set all the actors a good example.

It's not often that I show you a photo of myself, but here's a clear black-and-white photograph of me. Straight on to camera, just head and shoulders, no gimmicks, no wine glasses, no over-cluttered clothing.

All I will say is that it's a real pain tying that ribbon in my hair every morning.