Wednesday, April 20, 2011

My Lovely Cheque

You know how when you start a new job they take tax off at a rate that's far too high? Well, because I work for several different employers, and sometimes as self-employed too, this tends to happen to me a lot.

When I submitted my tax return in early January, my accountant got in touch and said he'd worked out that, because of all this, I was owed a rather decent refund of about two and a half thousand of our British pounds. Splendid!

So I waited for the cheque to arrive, and it didn't.

To be fair, I assumed that it would take ages. They have a dual standard operating, don't they? Whereby if you owe THEM money they want it yesterday, with interest.

However, if they owe YOU money it takes ages. Interest? You've got to be joking.

So when my lovely cheque didn't arrive in January I thought - - sighhh. But I wasn't surprised. I thought - - well, perhaps it will come at the end of the financial year then. I will put it out of my head until then.

And I didn't think of it again at all. Well not more than several dozen times a day, with increasing bitterness and frustration. "WHERE'S MY LOVELY CHEQUE?" I roared at the heavens, which gave a deafening silence in reply.

So early April arrived, and with it a lot of unseasonal sunshine. The daffodils flowered, and faded, and the leaves on the trees burst their buds, and no cheque-bearing envelope came through the letterbox of the spanking new porch, damn it.

So finally I got in touch with my accountant, trying to sound all casual and not as though I had thought of little else since early January. "You know that - - um - - cheque - - for my tax refund, that was mentioned to me in January? I just wondered - - idly - - er - - WHERE THE HELL IS IT?"

Back came the reply. The Inland Revenue claim they sent it to me in early January, as soon as they got my tax return.

Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather. Except that I was already on the floor, beating my fists on the carpet. "MY CHEQUE! MY LOVELY CHEQUE! O VERILY, WHERE ART THOU?"

I got back to my accountant, once I had calmed down ever so slightly. "Could you chase it up, please?"

She did. She got back to me today. They are going to cancel the previous cheque, and send off a replacement.


How long will this take?


I ask you, please. HOW CAN IT TAKE SIX WEEKS? What is there to do that can possibly take that long? Find cheque number on computer. Press cancel. Get out cheque book and a nice new biro, and write new cheque. Pop to the Post Office for a stamp. Buy an envelope whilst there. Address it to Daphne. Put it in a post box. HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

Sorry to shout. It's just that I WANT MY LOVELY CHEQUE!


Anonymous Jay said...

Ah, Daphne, you are so right. Double standards prevail in all tax, banking and insurance matters. And also standing orders with telephone companies, gas and electricity too.

What can we do? We-ell, I'd suggest not waiting so long next time. Irritate the hell out of them!

After all, they do it to you! ;)

8:27 pm  
Anonymous Jo said...

It takes 6 weeks because it helps their cash flow and because you can't go, fine then I will gland do business with someone else.

If you like in 6 weeks will help you look after the cheque... Make sure it gets spent, simulating fiscal growth.....

9:25 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Daphne, it shouldn't even take that long as no one even has to pick up a pen - their computer will do it for them.
Once again verification gives us a new word, or two.
used descibe tax delays: evelhor
or then again
compup: what's going to happen next when the computer doesn't get it right.

10:41 am  
Blogger David said...

If it was the Taxman or the Banks you owed money to they would have sold your firstborn in to slavery by now.

1:18 pm  
Blogger Yorkshire Pudding said...

Oh dearest Daphne,
There are more important things in life than money... the chirruping of hedge sparrows, the smell of the earth after rain, a kind word, a nice cup of tea... Didn't The Communist teach you anything?

3:32 pm  
Blogger Grumpy Old Ken said...

I know the feeling! What do they say, 'all things come to them who wait', something like that!

7:22 pm  

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