Saturday, October 02, 2010

New Scientific Discovery Made in the Lounge

Last night we had our Friday Film Night and I very much enjoyed Ocean's Eleven, which I hadn't seen before, of course.

But all the while I was aware that over in the far corner of the room, a hideous stench was lurking and growing stronger by the moment. It smelled as though - how can I put this delicately? - no, sorry, I can't - someone had eaten a large curry, drunk several pints of beer and then thrown up.

I discovered the Vile Smell at lunchtime and wondered what on Earth could have caused it. I looked in all corners in case one of the cats had been sick but no sign. I opened the window for a while and hoped it would go away, but it didn't, and yet it seemed localised to the far side of the room.

It's quite a large room, Victorian, high ceiling. My parents always called it - in a 1960s way - "the lounge" and that name has stuck. So has the 1960s light fitting beneath the Victorian plaster decorations in the middle, I notice - there's a lot of that kind of thing going on in this house.

Anyway - - -

Silverback suggested later on, having bravely endured it for a while, that it could be Parmesan. Could cheese-lovers Gareth and Olli have spilled some? I thought this was entirely possible. To those with any decent sense of smell, Parmesan smells like vomit (sorry if you're reading this whilst eating your spaghetti bolognese with Parmesan on top but really, have you never noticed?)

I closed the door on it last night and went to bed, to see if it faded during the night. It didn't. Worse than ever.

So in I went, courageously armed with air fresheners, cloth and shiny new orange bucket (£1.28 from B and Q, I love this bucket).

So I sniffed around all the floor. Nope. Pulled the sofa out. Nope. (And behind the sofa was immaculate, I can tell you, there weren't any spiders and bits of fluff and magazines dated April 2007, okay?)

So then I stood up, and sniffed the air a bit higher up - - - and then I got it - - full blast! Ahhhhhh FOUND IT!

About a week ago, my lovely fig tree blew over in a gale. I was very fond of it, partly because its growth was a bit of a miracle - it grew there because I threw a bit of overripe fig out of the window. But I suppose fig trees' roots aren't made to withstand Yorkshire gales, and I woke one day last week to find it lying on the ground.

Gareth kindly chopped it up for me. Olli, like me, hated the thought of the fig tree's demise and so took a branch and put it in water in the lounge in the hope that it would live. It didn't, sadly - all the leaves died - but they were dying anyway because it's autumn. Olli and I hoped that the branch might live through the winter and send shoots out in the spring.

But it didn't. It rotted. And here's something you didn't know. (If you tell me you did know, I don't believe you, so there).

ROTTEN FIG TREE BRANCH SMELLS JUST LIKE VOMIT.

Now then. You may like my blog, or you may not. But don't ever tell me it isn't educational.

5 Comments:

Blogger Silverback said...

Having been involved in this investigation, that was NOT the outcome I was expecting ! Who'd have thunk it ?

Now then, I only found out today that many people DON'T smell parmesan the way we do and this explains how they can even stand to have it in the same building as their noses.

As this was always a mystery to me (I'm in the 'smells like vomit' category), I'm glad I know now.

3:36 pm  
Blogger rhymeswithplague said...

That's one for the books.

Verification word is catishi. Everyone knows that is two words: cat and ishi and it is something else rotten fig tree branch smells like.

6:58 pm  
Blogger Jennyta said...

Not a lot of people know that...including me :)Glad you found it, anyway.

7:25 pm  
Anonymous Oliver said...

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

9:13 pm  
Anonymous Ruth said...

I think lots of plantlife probably has nasty smell potential when rotting. I know cut flowers can produce vile odours when kept in vases of water beyond their lifespan.

As for parmesan cheese, I love it and don't hate the smell at all, in fact I haven't noticed it's smell but I mostly use the vegetarian equivalent so perhaps it's not as stinky.

10:24 am  

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