Friday, May 14, 2010

Death and Taxis

Yesterday morning I drove 60 miles to Wythenshawe along crowded motorways without incident, and then I drove back again without incident. I expect you'll put this down to my highly skilled driving, and your conclusion will, of course, be correct. I know about fourth gear and everything now, and am even trying to learn what is apparently called "anticipation" which is how to spot big lorries before you get stuck behind them, and pedestrians before you run over them.

Having done it successfully yesterday, this morning I drove 60 miles to Wythenshawe without incident and then I drove 59 and a half miles back without incident.

And then, on a road near our house, two taxis made a joint effort to kill me.

It's quite a steep narrow road and there were cars parked at both sides of it. I was driving up the road: a taxi came flying down it at top speed leaving not much room to pass. But there WAS just enough room - except that just as I drew level with a side road, another taxi shot forward out of it at top speed - I couldn't see it because of the parked cars, and I don't suppose the driver could see me, even if he had been looking, which he most certainly wasn't.

Thus for an instant there was a possible Daphne Sandwich in between the bonnet of that taxi and the side of the other one and the parked car next to it.

But somehow, I steered a teeny bit to the right, and First Taxi steered a teeny bit to the left, and First Taxi missed me by about the thickness of the paint on the car, and Second Taxi slammed his brakes on, and the Daphne Sandwich was narrowly avoided.

Which is just as well, because it would have really ruined my day.

There are lots of taxis round here and many of the drivers are great. However, I hate it when taxi drivers speed away before I can do up my seat belt, and my rule is never to give a tip to any driver who does that.

And now I'm going to add another rule, which is that I'm never going to give a tip to anyone who nearly crushes a woman in a Renault Clio.

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxis, as Benjamin Franklin might have said if he'd been sitting in the passenger seat today.


Blogger Silverback said...

As Mrs. Franklin probably said...."GROAN"

6:15 pm  
Blogger rhymeswithplague said...

Death and taxis! Hilarious!

6:46 pm  
Blogger Dfo said...

fare's fare

8:18 pm  
Blogger Yorkshire Pudding said...

I think I should restrain myself from making any kind of remark about the "Daphne Sandwich" as it would no doubt be misconstrued.

However, regarding taxis, the authorities should add further rules to the Highway Code such as - 37b "Never allow a taxi in front of you if it is emerging from a side road"
and 39d "Never tip a taxi driver"

9:41 pm  
Blogger Daphne said...

Silverback - I LIKE bad puns (and d'you know what, I think you already knew that).
Bob - thank you (I am always pathetically grateful when anyone is amused by my attempts at humour!)
Dfo - - you are a woman after my own heart.
YP - - I have no idea what you mean as I have a very clean mind. But there'll be some amendments to the Highway Code when I'm in charge.

11:07 pm  

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