Monday, November 16, 2009

My Bid for Television Stardom

At about this time last year I flew to a distant land full of swamps and alligators. So did a group of other non-famous people.

I was going to Florida on holiday, of course, whereas they were going to Australia to take part in I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

If you haven't seen it, the plot for this annual programme, which has just started again this year, is this: A group of people live for a couple of weeks in a bit of Australian jungle. The public votes for which of them every day does a "bushtucker trial" to gain food for the group - - things like crawling around underground, or being covered in insects, or looking for things in water, or eating various small live creatures.

They are voted off day by day until one of them wins.

They are supposed to be celebrities - - but, in general, they're not. "I used to be in Hollyoaks, a long time ago" said one of them. So they're people who wish they were celebrities, and people who used to be, and want to be again, and people such as Katie Price also known as massive-breasted model Jordan, who is wheeled in whenever any producer wants a bit of controversy in his/her telly programme, which is often.

But in general, as the list of names is read out when the series begins, a general cry goes up of "WHO? Never heard of them!"

I have to admit I'm a bit of a sneaky fan of I'm a Celebrity - - though. Mostly so I can shout at the screen. Things like "Get a grip, you idiot!"

Look, not only do they get an all-expenses-paid trip to Australia and boost to their careers included - - they get paid to take part, and very well-paid too.

They tend to go on and on about their great fear of spiders etc and half the time I think it's just so they can come over as incredibly brave when they have a bucket of them poured over their head.

Now me, I don't mind all these creepy crawlies - - I don't think I'd like to be covered in them much, but I could cope with it. I'm not scared of snakes in general and I'm not too bothered by any small rodents such as rats. I don't like fish brushing against me, granted. And I know I would really hate to have to eat creepy crawlies. I wouldn't mind sleeping outside as long as it was warm - - and it is warm where they are.

But if you offered me a trip to Australia in return for all this - - even if you didn't offer to pay me - - I'd be there like a shot. Granted, I'd probably have a problem with the lack of food and would be discovered in a diabetic coma after a couple of days. Anything for attention, that's me. But, that aside - - for goodness' sake, people! Where's your spirit of adventure?

I'd go tomorrow. Get rid of Jordan. She's had one go at it. Bring me in to replace her. Granted, I've got smaller breasts than she has, but then so has everybody, and I'd promise not to marry any of the other non-celebrities in there.

I'm a nonentity. Get me into there.

7 Comments:

Blogger Yorkshire Pudding said...

In another life, I may have been a Buddhist because I thoroughly abhor the callous mistreatment of small creatures in this crass extravaganza compered by the moronic Ant and Dec whose talents could be housed ten times over in a small matchbox. Spiders, snakes, rats, ants and grubs are living creatures that invite our respect. It's one thing for an aboriginal living in the bush to make the most of his environment in order to survive but to abuse and misuse living creatures for entertainment is despicable and I am certainly not saying this in an ironic tongue-in-cheek manner.

1:21 am  
Blogger Silverback said...

You may be many things, Daphne, but you're not a nonentity.

Having said that, you'd not last 5 minutes in the jungle. Well not unless there was a large bush nearby.

And I don't mean Jordans !

1:45 am  
Blogger GooseBreeder said...

Gosh where to start...bet yours are real for a start off (hope that's not too personal!) and who wants to be a celeb even a non-entity of a celeb?
Yorkshire Pud I agree, hate any abuse of wildlife which is why I'm out of step with the majority of the population who think crocodile wrestling is heroic.
In this part of the world the wildlife constantly tries to take back it's territory, occassionally there's a hard decision to be made.However spiders are safe in our house..we name the big ones who eat the insects, just wish they wouldn't spit the bits out on the table!
Snakes are very venomous and treated with great respect, mostly addressed as "Sir".
Daphne, Australia loves people like you who embrace the country with enthusiasm and respect for its difference and uniqueness.Come on down!

5:29 am  
Blogger Jennyta said...

Australia would definitely be a no-go area for me, Daphne, because of the spiders! I had to avoid the internet all day yesterday after seeing a pic of one of those so-called celebrities with a spider crawling over her mouth. Ugh!!!!

8:51 am  
Blogger Daphne said...

YP - - well, I kind of agree with you - - I think I may have to write more on my blog about this!
Silverback - - thank you. I think. For - - er - - lowering the tone. And making me laugh.
Goosebreeder - actually I loved the wilder bits of Florida (and I'd never associated the words "wild" and "Florida" before)and I'm sure I'd love Australia, too.
Jenny - they had to put the spider IN their mouth for thirty seconds, though it wasn't harmed. And yes, I could do that!

9:01 am  
Blogger Jennyta said...

IN their mouths????? How could ANYONE even THINK about doing that??? Now I feel REALLY sick!

7:05 pm  
Blogger GooseBreeder said...

Respect for all creatures however hairy or uncuddly seems good to me.

3:57 am  

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