Language Lessons

I am beginning to learn at least some of the language.

We all know some of it of course, from American films and television.

A mobile is a cellphone. A block of flats is a condominium. Toilets are restrooms - - oh yes, a slight diversion here which probably tells us much about the contrast between Britain and America.

For in Britain the doors in toilet cubicles fit as snugly as possible to the floor, the walls on each side are often solid, and there is hardly any gap between the door and the hinges. Heaven forbid that anyone else should see us on t'bog, as they don't say round here.

The old joke in Britain (one of the very many) when I was a student was to write on the bottom of the inside of the toilet door “Beware of limbo dancers”. Well, here in America even a beginner limbo dancer could get underneath, so wide is the gap: and they could probably squeeze between the door frame and the side with the hinges for an encore.

I'm thinking of doing a doctorate on what precisely this tells us about the difference between the American psyche and the British one.

Anyway, back to the words: I didn't know, until Silverback told me, that an estate of houses is a subdivision. One of those great big mobile-home things that is pulled by a truck is called a 5^th Wheel.

The food is very different too: we know that jelly is jello and that chips are French fries. But what, for example, are these?

The little round yellow one looks like what I would call a bun, and what poshos would call a fairy cake. But it isn't: it's a corn muffin. Somewhat of the consistency of madeira cake but not sweet and you eat it with a savoury dish. (Though I didn't – I ate it on its own with butter and it was delicious).

The round white one that looks like a scone is called a biscuit. Of course, what I would call a biscuit is called a cookie here. But this American biscuit, rather scone-like in texture, is, again, not sweet. But signs offering “Chicken and Biscuits” take a bit of getting used to. Again, you're supposed to eat it with a savoury dish and I didn't – I ate it with butter and it was great. The butter, by the way, is the consistency of whipped cream and is startlingly white.

See, it's not all white sand and palm trees and blue seas. This trip is very educational. That's the only reason I came here, honest.