Neighbourliness
David's Very Very Annoying Neighbour came round to visit him the other day.
You can tell her any story you like and she immediately applies it to herself and has no interest at all in whatever has happened to you.
So you start to tell your exciting news to a little group of people. For example, you might say, "A meteorite fell on my house last night, and completely destroyed it".
"Oh," she says, "Something like that happened to my nephew once. He was out walking the dog. It's a little dog and it's brown and it only gets on with labradors, it doesn't like any other kinds of dogs and it will only sleep on an old doormat that has "Welcome" written on it. And it will only eat Pedigree Chum or isn't it called just Pedigree now? Or is that the cat will only eat Whiskas? Anyway, some boys playing football nearby kicked the football and it landed on my nephew and it wasn't very good for him because he has asthma - - " and on and on and on in a whole stream of consciousness, no pauses, no method of interrupting.
And then you feel - well I feel - furious with yourself for wanting to murder this entirely harmless elderly lady. It's a bit like that scene in Jane Austen's Emma where Mr Knightley lays into Emma for mocking the harmless and lacking-in-money Miss Bates. But, Mr Knightley, you didn't have to put up with her, did you?
Anyway, David, who is always extremely kind to this neighbour, summed up the whole thing the other day.
"She came round this afternoon," he said, "and I was in rather a good mood. She, on the other hand, was in rather a bad one. It took an hour for us to swap."
You can tell her any story you like and she immediately applies it to herself and has no interest at all in whatever has happened to you.
So you start to tell your exciting news to a little group of people. For example, you might say, "A meteorite fell on my house last night, and completely destroyed it".
"Oh," she says, "Something like that happened to my nephew once. He was out walking the dog. It's a little dog and it's brown and it only gets on with labradors, it doesn't like any other kinds of dogs and it will only sleep on an old doormat that has "Welcome" written on it. And it will only eat Pedigree Chum or isn't it called just Pedigree now? Or is that the cat will only eat Whiskas? Anyway, some boys playing football nearby kicked the football and it landed on my nephew and it wasn't very good for him because he has asthma - - " and on and on and on in a whole stream of consciousness, no pauses, no method of interrupting.
And then you feel - well I feel - furious with yourself for wanting to murder this entirely harmless elderly lady. It's a bit like that scene in Jane Austen's Emma where Mr Knightley lays into Emma for mocking the harmless and lacking-in-money Miss Bates. But, Mr Knightley, you didn't have to put up with her, did you?
Anyway, David, who is always extremely kind to this neighbour, summed up the whole thing the other day.
"She came round this afternoon," he said, "and I was in rather a good mood. She, on the other hand, was in rather a bad one. It took an hour for us to swap."
posted by Daphne at 6:09 pm
1 Comments:
LOL!
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