Little House in the Big Woods
I thought I'd look in my copy of Little House in the Big Woods to find the chapter about killing the pig.
My copy is very old and I have owned it since I bought it in my primary school's bring and buy sale, very shortly after I learned to read. It's a green hardback copy and I can picture it perfectly.
I've read it dozens of times over the years. I've always known exactly where it's kept, where it is on the shelf, next to my battered paperback copy of Little House on the Prairie.
But tonight, it's not there. I couldn't believe it at first. Maybe someone had moved it just a few books along. But no, there was a gap where it should be, and it's not there.
So I've looked on every bookshelf in the house - and there are plenty - and I can't find it. I've rung Emily and asked her where it is and she says she doesn't know, she hasn't seen it recently.
I've searched the house, and I can't find it.
Tonight is the first time since I was five that I haven't known exactly where it is. I know it's stupid and ridiculous to be so upset over a book - a book that's probably still in print, a book that I can get another copy of. But not my copy!
There are always lots of people coming and going in our house, and I like it that way. Could one of them have picked it up? I really don't see why.
I know that probably what I'm upset about is that I've spent the summer expecting the Communist to die at any moment and that this is probably just transferred loss. And, yes, I know I've been working too hard recently: lots of people keep telling me, and you're all correct: and I'm over-tired and over-emotional, yes I know.
But I feel absolutely gutted. Me, who claims to put little store on material possessions, heartbroken over a book. A book, for goodness' sake! Bonkers.
And yet that's how I feel.
My copy is very old and I have owned it since I bought it in my primary school's bring and buy sale, very shortly after I learned to read. It's a green hardback copy and I can picture it perfectly.
I've read it dozens of times over the years. I've always known exactly where it's kept, where it is on the shelf, next to my battered paperback copy of Little House on the Prairie.
But tonight, it's not there. I couldn't believe it at first. Maybe someone had moved it just a few books along. But no, there was a gap where it should be, and it's not there.
So I've looked on every bookshelf in the house - and there are plenty - and I can't find it. I've rung Emily and asked her where it is and she says she doesn't know, she hasn't seen it recently.
I've searched the house, and I can't find it.
Tonight is the first time since I was five that I haven't known exactly where it is. I know it's stupid and ridiculous to be so upset over a book - a book that's probably still in print, a book that I can get another copy of. But not my copy!
There are always lots of people coming and going in our house, and I like it that way. Could one of them have picked it up? I really don't see why.
I know that probably what I'm upset about is that I've spent the summer expecting the Communist to die at any moment and that this is probably just transferred loss. And, yes, I know I've been working too hard recently: lots of people keep telling me, and you're all correct: and I'm over-tired and over-emotional, yes I know.
But I feel absolutely gutted. Me, who claims to put little store on material possessions, heartbroken over a book. A book, for goodness' sake! Bonkers.
And yet that's how I feel.
posted by Daphne at 8:17 pm
3 Comments:
Not wishing to enter into amateur psychology but of course you are right and I suspect it's not just loss of a thing, even a book that you care a lot about, that's upsetting you, but probably more a loss of control over something that should have been within your control when so much in your life is beyond your control at the moment.
I know it's no real help, but letting go may be the only way of surviving.
Please remember that so many of us send you so much love and are here for you in any way that you need us. Take care. I hope you have a good Sunday.
PS Just so you know, it wasn't me that picked it up and I hope you find Little House in the Big Woods soon!
I get *very* attached to my proper copies of books and think this is perfectly reasonable. Rob and I each refused to part with our One True Edition of the Lord of the Rings, for example.
Oh dear!!! I know the feeling - some of my books are like little people, and if I lost them it would be game over. I very much hope it turns up soon!!!!
Reading the Little House series was the first time I remember realising that a book was meant to be read front to back, not random chapter by random chapter - it was a revelation...
Which book was the one where Mary went blind??
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