The Tudors

There's a new drama series on telly, The Tudors, second episode tonight, just seen it. I watched it last week too, but in case you haven't seen it, you won't need to once you've read this, so I'm doing you a favour really.

It's one of those series where you're nearly at the second murder by the time the opening credits have finished. But the opening credits are full of clues to its historical authenticity: it was made by a company called Showtime.

It's a kind of Tudor England's Greatest Hits. I think it's about the young Henry the Eighth. I don't know what happened to Henry the Seventh: presumably he wasn't as interesting, so they missed him out. I suppose The Tudors But Not The Dull Ones didn't seem such a good title.

Anyway, they were all very clean and shiny in Tudor times: even the walls of the cell in which Steven Waddington, playing Buckingham and Token Northerner, was thrown, were very nice and white. Their faces were clean, their hair was immaculate and their clothes were all in lovely bright colours.

This is what it was about, starting with the first episode:

nipples fighting sex whispering in corners sex fighting few more nipples whisper whisper nudity plot plot jousting sex plotting plotting galloping round on horses pregnancy shouting more whispering oral sex (ooh) galloping round France whispering fighting sex rejection birth sword fights execution sex

It did look very pretty and if you happen to have any red or gold in your living room I think you'll find it goes rather well with your decor if you watch it next week.