Not Even In Charge of a Goldfish
The Thomas Deacon City Academy in Peterborough, Britain’s most expensive state school, is being built without a playground.
“We are not intending to have any play time,” said Alan McMurdo, the head teacher. “Pupils won’t need to let off steam because they will not be bored.” The only break will be a 30-minute lunch period when pupils will be taken to the dining room by their teacher, to make sure they don’t escape.
Now look, Alan – do you mind if I call you Alan? Otherwise it would be Very
Very Stupid Man – I am going to tell you something important. That idea that all subjects are always interesting, provided that the teachers are good enough, is rubbish.
People will always find some subjects more interesting than others. Even in a subject which you find interesting, sometimes there are parts to it which are not interesting. Sometimes you have to put in a bit of boring spadework to get to the interesting bits. And actually, that’s a good lesson for life, because in any job there are boring bits too. The idea that a teacher has to be a new kind of thrilling stage act that makes absolutely everything interesting, is just never going to happen, and it’s putting unfair expectations on the teachers.
Of course a good teacher will endeavour to make the work as interesting as possible – but some teenagers will not enjoy every moment of their school day, I can tell you that now, Very Very Stupid Man (I think on balance I prefer that name to Alan for this particular head teacher).
Academy schools are in the state sector but are independent of local councils. They are sponsored by local firms, which have some input in how they are run.
The management of this school says that “playgrounds did not fit into the concept.” Because the school will be so big, replacing three Peterborough schools, having a playground could lead to bullying.
“That’s typical of New Labour,” says Emily, who for the purposes of this article I shall call Very Very Perceptive Daughter. “People are being bullied so let’s take something away from everyone else rather than from the bullies.”
Here is a good way of how to stop the bullying: Split your great big new school into four smaller ones, each with its own set of teachers. Then every teacher will know every child in the school and the bullies will have nowhere to hide.
- - Ah, that would be too expensive, is the usual cry.
- - Yes, but your nasty big playground-free school is costing FORTY-SIX POINT FOUR MILLION, I reply.
The Sunday Times reporter asked how the pupils would have refreshments during the course of the day, with only one half-hour break for lunch. Ah, they’ll be able to drink during class, apparently. (I’ll tell you how Very Very Stupid Man phrased that in just one moment.)
I will tell you what will happen. The pupils will get out their bottles of water because the school rules tell them they can. And they will squirt them at each other under the desks. And they will drink lots of water, to pretend that’s the purpose of getting the bottles out. And then they will need the loo and out they will go from the lesson, one after the other, so as to cause maximum disruption. And I don’t blame them.
And what did Very Very Stupid man say about there not being any breaks?
“Pupils will be able to hydrate during the learning experience.”
I wouldn’t leave a man who speaks like that in charge of my goldfish, let alone my children. Not even for a weekend.
“We are not intending to have any play time,” said Alan McMurdo, the head teacher. “Pupils won’t need to let off steam because they will not be bored.” The only break will be a 30-minute lunch period when pupils will be taken to the dining room by their teacher, to make sure they don’t escape.
Now look, Alan – do you mind if I call you Alan? Otherwise it would be Very
Very Stupid Man – I am going to tell you something important. That idea that all subjects are always interesting, provided that the teachers are good enough, is rubbish.
People will always find some subjects more interesting than others. Even in a subject which you find interesting, sometimes there are parts to it which are not interesting. Sometimes you have to put in a bit of boring spadework to get to the interesting bits. And actually, that’s a good lesson for life, because in any job there are boring bits too. The idea that a teacher has to be a new kind of thrilling stage act that makes absolutely everything interesting, is just never going to happen, and it’s putting unfair expectations on the teachers.
Of course a good teacher will endeavour to make the work as interesting as possible – but some teenagers will not enjoy every moment of their school day, I can tell you that now, Very Very Stupid Man (I think on balance I prefer that name to Alan for this particular head teacher).
Academy schools are in the state sector but are independent of local councils. They are sponsored by local firms, which have some input in how they are run.
The management of this school says that “playgrounds did not fit into the concept.” Because the school will be so big, replacing three Peterborough schools, having a playground could lead to bullying.
“That’s typical of New Labour,” says Emily, who for the purposes of this article I shall call Very Very Perceptive Daughter. “People are being bullied so let’s take something away from everyone else rather than from the bullies.”
Here is a good way of how to stop the bullying: Split your great big new school into four smaller ones, each with its own set of teachers. Then every teacher will know every child in the school and the bullies will have nowhere to hide.
- - Ah, that would be too expensive, is the usual cry.
- - Yes, but your nasty big playground-free school is costing FORTY-SIX POINT FOUR MILLION, I reply.
The Sunday Times reporter asked how the pupils would have refreshments during the course of the day, with only one half-hour break for lunch. Ah, they’ll be able to drink during class, apparently. (I’ll tell you how Very Very Stupid Man phrased that in just one moment.)
I will tell you what will happen. The pupils will get out their bottles of water because the school rules tell them they can. And they will squirt them at each other under the desks. And they will drink lots of water, to pretend that’s the purpose of getting the bottles out. And then they will need the loo and out they will go from the lesson, one after the other, so as to cause maximum disruption. And I don’t blame them.
And what did Very Very Stupid man say about there not being any breaks?
“Pupils will be able to hydrate during the learning experience.”
I wouldn’t leave a man who speaks like that in charge of my goldfish, let alone my children. Not even for a weekend.
posted by Daphne at 9:20 am
2 Comments:
fantastic, I loved this post, read it out to my worse half who loved it too. Please let people who google this school get on this page for a heads up.
Perhaps the Headmaster will dehydrate during the construction experience, requiring rehydration at a refreshment situation and get run over by a bus experience on his way there.
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