The Scareduck

Please don't expect too much from me tonight because I have walked six miles up hill and down dale (especially up hill) from Kettlewell to Starbotton in North Yorkshire.

Also I can hear every word that Robbie's singing in nearby Roundhay Park.

"You - - think I'm strong - -
You're wrong - - you're wrong - - "

Clearly, Robbie, you think I'm deaf.

So I am reduced to writing about this duck:

This duck, and some of its friends, lives just outside the Blue Bell Inn in Kettlewell. The door is wide open and the ducks were all clustered outside. So why, asked my friend David, do they not go into the pub?

Because of THIS, said the landlord. It stands in the doorway and is guaranteed to scare the life out of any would-be-trespassing duck. Readers of a nervous disposition should look away now:

AAAAAAAAARGH! QUAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Here is a duck fleeing, terrified from the hostelry:

Inside the landlord is looking cheerily at the scareduck and singing:

"And through it all, she offers me protection, A lot of love and affection, Whether I'm right or wrong - - "

And then the duck sings:

"And down the waterfall, Wherever it may take me, I know that it won't break me - - "

Oh, Robbie, please shut the duck up.