Take That - you have no choice
Only a couple of days now until Robbie honours us with his presence! I'm so excited! (no, not really, but somebody somewhere must be).
Leeds City Council makes a big fuss about the importance of education. They bang on and on about cutting down truancy and, when they really couldn't find anything to grumble about on one of Emily's reports once, they put in the section called TARGETS that her TARGET was "to improve attendance" (she'd missed a few days because she had flu, okay?)
Now they are closing her school for the day on Friday because Robbie is coming to Roundhay Park nearby and nobody will be able to get there. Further, they are hiring out the school car park to Robbie's fans.
I am seriously concerned. If my daughter doesn't get into university it'll be Robbie's fault.
Further, they have sent me a Helpful Leaflet which basically says if you were thinking of going anywhere at all on Friday or Saturday, forget it, you're stuffed. I think that's what it says, anyway, because it's written in a kind of Municipal English. This is exactly what it says, I promise you:
If parked along the restrictions your vehicle or in any location obstructing access in the area your vehicle may be towed. If your vehicle is towed please contact the following number to arrange retrieval: (insert number)
Somebody forgot to insert the number so anyone whose car is towed will presumably have lost it forever. It continues:
Residents are strongly advised that wherever possible, avoid vehicular trips as the network will be highly congested.
which is Municipal English for:
Don't go out in your car or you won't be able to get where you're going and then you won't be able to get back again.
Oh, Robbie, Robbie! I was very polite in my dream about you but you're beginning to annoy me now.
Leeds City Council makes a big fuss about the importance of education. They bang on and on about cutting down truancy and, when they really couldn't find anything to grumble about on one of Emily's reports once, they put in the section called TARGETS that her TARGET was "to improve attendance" (she'd missed a few days because she had flu, okay?)
Now they are closing her school for the day on Friday because Robbie is coming to Roundhay Park nearby and nobody will be able to get there. Further, they are hiring out the school car park to Robbie's fans.
I am seriously concerned. If my daughter doesn't get into university it'll be Robbie's fault.
Further, they have sent me a Helpful Leaflet which basically says if you were thinking of going anywhere at all on Friday or Saturday, forget it, you're stuffed. I think that's what it says, anyway, because it's written in a kind of Municipal English. This is exactly what it says, I promise you:
If parked along the restrictions your vehicle or in any location obstructing access in the area your vehicle may be towed. If your vehicle is towed please contact the following number to arrange retrieval: (insert number)
Somebody forgot to insert the number so anyone whose car is towed will presumably have lost it forever. It continues:
Residents are strongly advised that wherever possible, avoid vehicular trips as the network will be highly congested.
which is Municipal English for:
Don't go out in your car or you won't be able to get where you're going and then you won't be able to get back again.
Oh, Robbie, Robbie! I was very polite in my dream about you but you're beginning to annoy me now.
posted by Daphne at 9:39 pm
1 Comments:
on the day you could fly a kite [trailing a suitable copper wire] near the local electricity pylon [wearing wellies naturally] and cause a Severe Power Outage, having first popped a notice through Mr Williams' caravan to the effect that: if plugging your amplifier in any location results in little or no activity please ring the following number [insert number]
Post a Comment
<< Home