Monday, May 31, 2010

The 1980s - The Horror Returns

There were only a few things that I liked about the Eighties, and this wasn't one of them. I never owned one, I never wore one and I'm not starting now.

I have often seen mentions of them in newspaper columns and magazine articles by women whose glowing youth was traumatised by the blasted things. How if you were short in length, they were always too long. How if you had a long back, and hence correspondingly long front, they would inflict painful injuries to your Bits Underneath.

And everyone was in agreement that the poppers would unpop at the most inopportune moments, risking either a very draughty undercarriage or, if wearing a short skirt, the display of one's femininity in graphic detail to anyone who showed even the minimum of interest.

Yes, a totally ridiculous garment, long consigned to the Dustbin of Fashion History, along with those white eighteenth-century wigs and putting lead all over your face to whiten your skin and bustles and other such deeply stupid items.

Until yesterday, when I saw them in Sainsbury's.

So whose bright idea was that, to bring back the Body, as they were known? Some male fashion designer, I expect. Ladies, please, don't go there. Don't buy them. They'll have us in crinolines next.


Anonymous Ruth said...

Aarrgghhh! Noooo! I did own/wear one of these horrid garments a lifetime ago. Far from unpopping at inopportune moments, the thing I remember most was the contortions required to unpop then pop it together again when going to the toilet. There is no dignity in such garments and the tucked in look they achieve is just as bad as the body-and-face-tucked appearance of so many 'fashionable' women - totally artificial. It's a nip and tuck too far.

5:37 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Verify word: Moram - what you'd have to be to wear one of these despicable items. They passed me by in the 80s and will do so again.

6:14 pm  
Anonymous Milo said...

Hehe, this made me laugh. Agree that it's a horrid garment. Most of the clothes from the 80s, especially for women, were horrid. Remember the mega shoulder pads and the big hair?

As you know, I am quite nostalgic about the 80s - mostly for the music mind you - and because growing up in that era, it was a formative time for me.

6:25 pm  
Blogger Debby said...

Please keep those garments of torture over there. Do NOT let them on the ship to cross the pond. Thank you.

9:07 pm  
Blogger WendyCarole said...

dreadful garment

9:47 pm  
Blogger Ailbhe said...

Hee, I loved them - they were one of the few garments which fit my shoulders and ribs while not being hugely baggy around my waist. But perhaps for people without 18-22 inch waists have more issues with them than my teenage self... Another problem they solved for me was trousers falling down and exposing my pants, but that's now a fashionable thing to happen, so perhaps it doesn't bother anyone.

10:05 am  
Blogger Yorkshire Pudding said...

I am organising a petition requiring all Yorkshire women to wear one of these delightful beauty-enhancing garments whenever they're out shopping, attending W.I. meetings or visiting pubs. If the poppers pop - all the better! Also Debby in the USA will be required to wear a brass studded leather one!

10:08 am  
Blogger Kim said...

My mam used to make me wear them when I was younger, I remember having to bend uncomfortably to undo them and then redo them.
However as I always wore knickers under them anyway I never flashed my feminine bits, that and I never wore a skirt anyway. I hated the things as well and I will never wear one again

10:02 pm  

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