Friday, April 23, 2010

That Sounds Bad To Me

"Royaume-Uni: Nul Points". Yes, I can see into the future, all the way to the Eurovision Song Contest. We are offering, to our eagerly expectant fellow Europeans, this:

It's one of those "this is my moment" soaring-chorus songs that just scream "manufactured pop". I'm surprised there isn't a key change in the middle. The singer has had a personality bypass and even the dancers have the insight to look rather uncomfortable with their rather ugly choreography.

So, I tell you now, all the countries whose names end in the letters ia - Latvia, Romania, that kind of thing - will all vote for each other and we'll come nowhere. Actually this happens every year anyway but I do feel we should at least make an effort.

Like we used to do, back in the glory days of 1967, when Sandie Shaw won it for us with Puppet on a String.

Yes, back in those days of post-war austerity when the United Kingdom couldn't even afford shoes for her, or enough material to make her a proper frock, Sandie did it for us.

And it's a little-known fact that some clever British scientists saw the programme and later used the diagram on the wall behind her to map the human genome. Oh yes, Britain was great in those days.


Blogger Silverback said...

Sad to say it's Europop at it's worst and agreed, it'll get nil points from everyone in Israel !
At least we know what "Sally Webster" gets up to when not in Corrie.

12:22 am  
Anonymous Ruth said...

Arrghh! That is so horrible I couldn't watch more than about 90 seconds and why were those poor girls 'dancing' (well, moving) with their vests tucked into their gym knickers?

8:32 am  
Blogger Malc said...

Oh dear God! I made it through to 1min 24sec before I had to hit the button and that was only because I was trying to work out whether it was a wig or not. Cheesy lyrics, cheesy synth, cheesy dancing - is it 1983 again?

7:25 am  
Blogger Malc said...

How quaint that in the 60s everyone was shocked that someone would wear no shoes.

7:28 am  
Blogger Archie Pullen said...

Your analysis is 100% correct, Daphne. All that 'this is the culmination of all my triiii-uuummppphh' crap just smacks of emotional manipulation... 'It's been a loo-ooong journeeeey but I am the beeeessstt! I am so luuuccckkyyyy'. Even Queen's 'We are the Champions' is a bit queasy, for the same reason, but at least that was written by musical geniuses. This, however, gives me an actual pain. And I *love* Eurovision. It's just that this is an X-Factor song, NOT Europop. Sigh.

10:40 am  

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