Gadding Off
I've had two very busy days in our office, with lots of invoices to do. Now, however, they are almost all done.
Tomorrow I have two roleplays. In the morning I'm playing a character I have been playing every Wednesday for several weeks now, to help to train nurses in counselling skills. In the afternoon I am helping to demonstrate a roleplay about autism at a medical conference, to show lecturers who will then - I hope - encourage the students to attend the sessions.
And on Thursday I'm going to Tenby.
The last time I was there, at our favourite hotel, was back in the beginning of November. My mother was with me: we were setting off to see a play and then my car developed a slight fault, so I called the AA, just in case.
My mother was convinced that the AA man would never find us, even though I had told him that we were waiting in the hotel's reception. So she insisted on going outside to look out for him, in spite of my pleas for her to sit down and that he would come to us.
And it was then, of course, that she fell on the hotel steps and broke her shoulder. The broken shoulder was not at all noticeable at first because she had also banged her nose which was pouring blood everywhere.
We missed the play, of course. My mother ended up in hospital and was perhaps the worst patient in the history of the whole world ever. The whole episode has left me thoroughly shaken up because I now know what she'll be like if she ever does have to stay in hospital for longer. She discharged herself this time, of course.
And now she's much, much better - - the shoulder's not perfect by any means, but she's been swimming with me for the past three days and I can see her swimming improving by the day, which is great.
But it's been a long and difficult winter. So I'm going to Tenby, and I'm seeing the same actress in a different play, and then I'm staying until Sunday, all by myself, just to walk on beaches and look at the sea and wander all over the place.
I am so looking forward to it.
And, of course, I'm going on my own this time. I know I have to. I know that if Mum were to go then I'd spend the whole time worrying about her, and I know I really need a break. I asked Stephen to tell her about it, because I knew I couldn't bear her her initial reaction. I knew it would be "I can go too!" And it was. I would, of course have replied "Yes, of course". Stephen said "I'm afraid you can't: Daphne needs a complete break."
So, I know I'm doing the right thing in not taking her, and I'm grateful to those who have encouraged me in this, and she does seem to have accepted it.
The Communist always expected to go on holiday with us wherever we went, and in those days it was Mum who thought we might occasionally like a holiday without them. So now, I can hear the Communist's voice in my head. "So you're not taking your mother? Why on Earth not?" And I feel really bad about it. I feel like the worst daughter in the world, and I know it's wrong to feel like that, but that's how I feel.
But I'm going, and I will put these thoughts aside, and enjoy it, because otherwise there'd be no point in me going. I will get there, and my heart will lift, like it usually does.
Tomorrow I have two roleplays. In the morning I'm playing a character I have been playing every Wednesday for several weeks now, to help to train nurses in counselling skills. In the afternoon I am helping to demonstrate a roleplay about autism at a medical conference, to show lecturers who will then - I hope - encourage the students to attend the sessions.
And on Thursday I'm going to Tenby.
The last time I was there, at our favourite hotel, was back in the beginning of November. My mother was with me: we were setting off to see a play and then my car developed a slight fault, so I called the AA, just in case.
My mother was convinced that the AA man would never find us, even though I had told him that we were waiting in the hotel's reception. So she insisted on going outside to look out for him, in spite of my pleas for her to sit down and that he would come to us.
And it was then, of course, that she fell on the hotel steps and broke her shoulder. The broken shoulder was not at all noticeable at first because she had also banged her nose which was pouring blood everywhere.
We missed the play, of course. My mother ended up in hospital and was perhaps the worst patient in the history of the whole world ever. The whole episode has left me thoroughly shaken up because I now know what she'll be like if she ever does have to stay in hospital for longer. She discharged herself this time, of course.
And now she's much, much better - - the shoulder's not perfect by any means, but she's been swimming with me for the past three days and I can see her swimming improving by the day, which is great.
But it's been a long and difficult winter. So I'm going to Tenby, and I'm seeing the same actress in a different play, and then I'm staying until Sunday, all by myself, just to walk on beaches and look at the sea and wander all over the place.
I am so looking forward to it.
And, of course, I'm going on my own this time. I know I have to. I know that if Mum were to go then I'd spend the whole time worrying about her, and I know I really need a break. I asked Stephen to tell her about it, because I knew I couldn't bear her her initial reaction. I knew it would be "I can go too!" And it was. I would, of course have replied "Yes, of course". Stephen said "I'm afraid you can't: Daphne needs a complete break."
So, I know I'm doing the right thing in not taking her, and I'm grateful to those who have encouraged me in this, and she does seem to have accepted it.
The Communist always expected to go on holiday with us wherever we went, and in those days it was Mum who thought we might occasionally like a holiday without them. So now, I can hear the Communist's voice in my head. "So you're not taking your mother? Why on Earth not?" And I feel really bad about it. I feel like the worst daughter in the world, and I know it's wrong to feel like that, but that's how I feel.
But I'm going, and I will put these thoughts aside, and enjoy it, because otherwise there'd be no point in me going. I will get there, and my heart will lift, like it usually does.
posted by Daphne at 9:02 pm
8 Comments:
Forgive me for being so forward, but knowing how much your mother loves Tenby, it seems to me - from a distance - that it might have been better to pick a different solo getaway place.
YP - because my "excuse" for going is that our actress is in a play there - and it's part of my job, as well as a pleasure, to see such things, so I can justify the cost. If I wasn't going there, I wouldn't be going anywhere.
You are quite right to go on your own, Daphne and you shouldn't feel at all guilty about it. I know it sounds a bit twee but if you don't take care of yourself, you can't be there for others.
Knowing the anguish you went through, and are still going through, about this little break, I so hope you can enjoy it despite the fact that it shows rain every day for the next 10 days !
And remember, the guilt is all down to you being the world's only Catholic Jewish atheist who believes in self baptism at every opportunity. ;-)
Bon voyage! (Don't forget to bring mum a souvenir....)
yay for Stephen!
(oooh, what a lovely word I've been asked to verify: glookini! I hope it's not something today's modern young women are wearing at the beach...)
julie paradox
I have been lurking on your blog off and on since the litter lout piece and am always surprised by how much I find myself nodding in agreement with you. Now I know why. I, too, am an agnostic Jewish Catholic. My late father was definitely not a Communist, but I do enjoy a 'conflicted' relationship with my mother and always feel very guilty (x 2 - one dose from the Jewish genes, one from the Catholic) if I go away without inviting her.
Anyway, so glad that you enjoyed the break in Tenby. I haven't been since I was a child in the 70s and my biggest abiding memory is of a fantastic Italian ice cream parlour called, I think, Fecci's. Must Google to see if it's still in existence.
Thank you, Anonymous - interesting and much appreciated! Yes, Fecci's is still there and still doing excellent ice-cream!
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