Renaming Smelly Aisle
In a comment on this blog a couple of days ago, Deb suggested that if supermarket aisles were to be labelled, say, Penis Related Items, or Soccer Paraphernalia, then the men putting up the signs might be more likely to notice the spellings.
This is indeed true: and it also made me realise that the reason we can never find what we are after in supermarkets is because the labelling in the aisles is all wrong.
Never mind all that "Cosmetics" or "Adult Cereal" stuff. - Though, actually, I rather like "Adult Cereal" - I'm always hoping it will be somehow a bit rude.
I suggest relabelling the aisles along these lines:
DULL STUFF BUT YOU NEED IT
So if you just had ten minutes to do the supermarket, you'd get almost everything you need in this aisle.
BAD FOR YOU AND FATTENING BUT YOU WANT IT
See? You'd know exactly what would be in this aisle.
THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOU WANTED BUT MIGHT WANT ONCE YOU SEE THEM
It would be the aisle equivalent of the Innovations Catalogue. You'd spend hours here.
LOTS OF THINGS FOR THE GARDEN WHICH WILL MAKE YOU FEEL YOU'VE WORKED ON IT
Shiny new trowels. Big chunky spades. Big bags of fertilizer. Stick them in the garage and feel virtuous. Nearly as good as actually doing the gardening.
LOTS OF THINGS THAT ARE NEARLY AS GOOD AS CLEANING YOUR HOUSE
Ooh! Fancy mops! Fancy polishes! Makes you feel, if only you got round to it ever, that your house would be a Little Palace.
GREEN WHOLESOME CRAP THAT YOU'LL THROW AWAY IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS
Self-explanatory
THINGS YOU HOPE MIGHT MAKE YOU LOOK COOL
Self-explanatory
OVERPRICED BUT EASY
Self-explanatory - although your first thought might perhaps be of Paris Hilton. I know I said I'd never mention her on this blog again but she just keeps creeping in, sorry.
It would be far easier to find everything. Having a dinner party and can't be bothered to cook? Head straight for the YOUR GUESTS WILL NEVER FIND OUT section. All the Embarrassing Products will be in a slightly darkened aisle labelled EMBARRASSING PRODUCTS with a big pile of brown paper bags to put your Embarrassing Products in, with writing on the outside that says I've Bought This and I'm Really Embarrassed.
Supermarket shopping would be far easier. And probably more fun, too.
This is indeed true: and it also made me realise that the reason we can never find what we are after in supermarkets is because the labelling in the aisles is all wrong.
Never mind all that "Cosmetics" or "Adult Cereal" stuff. - Though, actually, I rather like "Adult Cereal" - I'm always hoping it will be somehow a bit rude.
I suggest relabelling the aisles along these lines:
DULL STUFF BUT YOU NEED IT
So if you just had ten minutes to do the supermarket, you'd get almost everything you need in this aisle.
BAD FOR YOU AND FATTENING BUT YOU WANT IT
See? You'd know exactly what would be in this aisle.
THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOU WANTED BUT MIGHT WANT ONCE YOU SEE THEM
It would be the aisle equivalent of the Innovations Catalogue. You'd spend hours here.
LOTS OF THINGS FOR THE GARDEN WHICH WILL MAKE YOU FEEL YOU'VE WORKED ON IT
Shiny new trowels. Big chunky spades. Big bags of fertilizer. Stick them in the garage and feel virtuous. Nearly as good as actually doing the gardening.
LOTS OF THINGS THAT ARE NEARLY AS GOOD AS CLEANING YOUR HOUSE
Ooh! Fancy mops! Fancy polishes! Makes you feel, if only you got round to it ever, that your house would be a Little Palace.
GREEN WHOLESOME CRAP THAT YOU'LL THROW AWAY IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS
Self-explanatory
THINGS YOU HOPE MIGHT MAKE YOU LOOK COOL
Self-explanatory
OVERPRICED BUT EASY
Self-explanatory - although your first thought might perhaps be of Paris Hilton. I know I said I'd never mention her on this blog again but she just keeps creeping in, sorry.
It would be far easier to find everything. Having a dinner party and can't be bothered to cook? Head straight for the YOUR GUESTS WILL NEVER FIND OUT section. All the Embarrassing Products will be in a slightly darkened aisle labelled EMBARRASSING PRODUCTS with a big pile of brown paper bags to put your Embarrassing Products in, with writing on the outside that says I've Bought This and I'm Really Embarrassed.
Supermarket shopping would be far easier. And probably more fun, too.
posted by Daphne at 4:11 pm
3 Comments:
Daphne, you really should sell this idea to the major supermarkets. It's brilliant, but of course far too sensible for the powers that be in the world of marketing.
Ah, when I started reading about the brown paper bags, I thought they were going to be provided with eyeholes, so shoppers could pop one over their heads, so they could peruse the embarrassing aisle without being recognised.
I think that labeling system would really be a boon. I'm forever walking around the grocery store saying 'If I were an (insert item here), where would I live?' They never put the things where they should be either. Yep, I think you could market your system!
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