Just Saying No

For about nine years the actors with whom I work have been doing some Highly Skilled Acting for a company which I shall call Boggins United Utilities.

The company - which isn't called Boggins United Utilities in any way but I can't tell you what it is called - then decided to remodel their project, which I shall call Boggins United Utilities Super Project, which had involved some Highly Skilled Acting.

Hope you're following.

The Boggins Bigwigs decided that a good way to save money would be to get rid of the Highly Skilled Acting part of Boggins United Utilities Super Project. So, in their remodelled project, there was no money provided to employ actors.

Then all those involved with the Super Project said hey, wait a minute, the Highly Skilled Acting part is the most important bit - that's the bit that tells us everything we need to know.

Oh dear, said the Boggins Bigwigs, surely this Highly Skilled Acting bit isn't that difficult? Let's get our Boggins United Utilities Sales Team to do the Highly Skilled Acting instead.

They asked the Sales Team.

The Sales Team said no, get lost, no way are we doing that, ewwwwww no, forget it, no chance, never in a million years, rearrange this well-known phrase or saying, Off Piss.

So the Boggins Bigwigs Representative rang me and offered our actors the job back again, but unfortunately they hadn't budgeted for it, so would we do it for about two thirds of the previous fee, please?

And, since the previous fee wasn't that high to start with, and since I knew the actors would back me, I just said NO.

"But the first day of it's next Monday!" said the Boggins Bigwigs Rep.

"Oh dear, I know," said I.

"And they just haven't budgeted for actors, which is why there's not much money," said BBR.

"I know, what a shame," I said.

"And I've got to find some by next week. And yours are the only ones who know the Highly Skilled Acting bit of it all."

"Yes, I know," I said. "You've been put in a really difficult position."

"Is there any area at all where we could compromise?"

"No, I'm afraid not," I said sweetly. "Our actors simply can't afford to do it for that money." (And that, by the way, is TRUE).

She rang back, the next day, to say that they will do it under our previous fees and expenses conditions, and could I please hurry up and find some actors to do it?

So I did.

But it really annoys me, firstly, that the Highly Skilled Acting part of it was regarded by the Bigwigs as so easy that anyone could do it. D'you know what, that's because our actors make it look easy!

And, secondly, it infuriates me that they seem to think actors are doing it as a kind of hobby and don't need to be paid properly.

And thirdly, I have heavily disguised what it's all about, of course. And it's about something really important. And the Top Brass seem to have made an arbitrary and ill-thought-through decision to drop the one bit that everyone has always said is crucial.

How do these people get to be in positions of power?