Passing On
Today, somewhere in England, Claire, a single woman still living with her parents, was telling the Mental Health nursing student about her family situation.
"I feel stuck here," she said, "because every time I try to leave home there's some disaster or other with my mother and I have to come back. I've very few friends now and I hardly ever go out. When my parents die, though, I'll have nothing."
"So you're worried about what will happen when your parents pass on?" asked the nurse.
"Yes," said Claire, because Claire was very polite.
Daphne, on the other hand, who was playing Claire at the time, was not best pleased, and neither was the nursing students' teacher.
It was a teaching roleplay and they were practising their counselling skills.
"Why did you say when your parents pass on?" asked the teacher in the feedback.
"What do you mean?" asked the student.
"What did Claire say?" asked the teacher.
"When my parents die though, I'll have nothing", said one of the other students.
"So why did you say pass on when Claire said die?" asked the teacher.
The student thought for a bit. "It seemed more polite."
"But Claire had just used die, said the teacher, "and if you then use pass on, it looks as if it's you who can't cope with the word die."
I couldn't say anything at that point, because I was being Claire, frozen in role during the feedback. But afterwards, right at the end of the session - and the students had mostly coped very well with it - when I was introduced as Daphne, I got my chance to say how strongly I agreed with their teacher.
Pass away's bad enough, but pass on? Pass on where to? It assumes the existence of an afterlife which the patient might really not believe in.
When I'm asked to name a character I'm playing, I often choose Claire, because of its overtones of clarity: we want all medical professionals to be clear when dealing with patients.
Oh, how I hate euphemisms. Except for funny rude ones, of course - I love those.
"I feel stuck here," she said, "because every time I try to leave home there's some disaster or other with my mother and I have to come back. I've very few friends now and I hardly ever go out. When my parents die, though, I'll have nothing."
"So you're worried about what will happen when your parents pass on?" asked the nurse.
"Yes," said Claire, because Claire was very polite.
Daphne, on the other hand, who was playing Claire at the time, was not best pleased, and neither was the nursing students' teacher.
It was a teaching roleplay and they were practising their counselling skills.
"Why did you say when your parents pass on?" asked the teacher in the feedback.
"What do you mean?" asked the student.
"What did Claire say?" asked the teacher.
"When my parents die though, I'll have nothing", said one of the other students.
"So why did you say pass on when Claire said die?" asked the teacher.
The student thought for a bit. "It seemed more polite."
"But Claire had just used die, said the teacher, "and if you then use pass on, it looks as if it's you who can't cope with the word die."
I couldn't say anything at that point, because I was being Claire, frozen in role during the feedback. But afterwards, right at the end of the session - and the students had mostly coped very well with it - when I was introduced as Daphne, I got my chance to say how strongly I agreed with their teacher.
Pass away's bad enough, but pass on? Pass on where to? It assumes the existence of an afterlife which the patient might really not believe in.
When I'm asked to name a character I'm playing, I often choose Claire, because of its overtones of clarity: we want all medical professionals to be clear when dealing with patients.
Oh, how I hate euphemisms. Except for funny rude ones, of course - I love those.
posted by Daphne at 9:22 pm
3 Comments:
When my mum died I found it relatively easy to say she had died. Even before she died I found it ok saying she was dying. The thing that took me a long time to feel even marginally comfortable with saying was "my mum is dead". In fact I am still not particularly comfortable with saying, or typing, that. But I would never say she has passed away or passed on or any other such euphemism. As far as I am concerned, dead is dead. And that's it.
Thanks for your post and the work you are doing. I am glad these issues are being tackled in training nurses. It's really important. Believe me, I know, I've been there.
Dammit! that's two consecutive posts of yours that have made me emotional!
Bought the farm, that's the one. The student should have said:"so you're worried what might happen if your parents bought the farm?"
Ruth, thank you.
John, thank you too - - oh yes. Popped their clogs would have been good too.
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