Sat Nav
That's clever, isn't it? I know, I'm probably the last person in the Western World ever to have been in a car with one, but I have to say I was intrigued by its cleverness. And infuriated by its patience.
I was in a taxi taking the Communist for one of his ever-increasing hospital trips, and the taxi driver had only been doing the job for a couple of weeks and didn't know where the hospital was. But it was okay because Madame Satnav, with her calm, somewhat robotic voice, took us there with her emotion-free directions. "After two hundred yards, bear right." "At the next junction, turn left," and the somewhat confusing "After four hundred yards, go straight on".
If I had to listen to her all day her calmness would drive me mad and after a bit I'd stop listening. In fact, if you ignore her completely she doesn't get upset.
"After two hundred yards, turn right." The taxi driver on the way back knew where he was going, chose a different way and boldly turned left. I hoped against hope that Madame Satnav would say "Oh! Ignore me completely, why don't you, you bastard?" but no, she just paused for a bit and then said calmly "Turn right here." After a couple of miles, I wanted to hit her.
I believe you can get satellite navigation systems with Personalities and I think they might be more fun than Robot Woman. Immediately I thought here's a niche for Overbearing Emotional Jewish Mother "I say turn left, and he turns right already. Oy, oy-oy. This boy's breaking my heart."
Or you could have Special Interest Sat Nav, for people whose interests are so dull that real people won't talk to them. "Turn left here and please tell me more about your collection of floral tea-towels."
Or Flattering Sat Nav "After two hundred yards turn right, you good-looking hunk. Why not undo your top button?"
Ah, the possibilities are endless. But for the moment I think I'll stick to my old-fashioned paper thing called a Map.
I was in a taxi taking the Communist for one of his ever-increasing hospital trips, and the taxi driver had only been doing the job for a couple of weeks and didn't know where the hospital was. But it was okay because Madame Satnav, with her calm, somewhat robotic voice, took us there with her emotion-free directions. "After two hundred yards, bear right." "At the next junction, turn left," and the somewhat confusing "After four hundred yards, go straight on".
If I had to listen to her all day her calmness would drive me mad and after a bit I'd stop listening. In fact, if you ignore her completely she doesn't get upset.
"After two hundred yards, turn right." The taxi driver on the way back knew where he was going, chose a different way and boldly turned left. I hoped against hope that Madame Satnav would say "Oh! Ignore me completely, why don't you, you bastard?" but no, she just paused for a bit and then said calmly "Turn right here." After a couple of miles, I wanted to hit her.
I believe you can get satellite navigation systems with Personalities and I think they might be more fun than Robot Woman. Immediately I thought here's a niche for Overbearing Emotional Jewish Mother "I say turn left, and he turns right already. Oy, oy-oy. This boy's breaking my heart."
Or you could have Special Interest Sat Nav, for people whose interests are so dull that real people won't talk to them. "Turn left here and please tell me more about your collection of floral tea-towels."
Or Flattering Sat Nav "After two hundred yards turn right, you good-looking hunk. Why not undo your top button?"
Ah, the possibilities are endless. But for the moment I think I'll stick to my old-fashioned paper thing called a Map.
posted by Daphne at 12:19 am
3 Comments:
After 200 hundred yards go straight on, if you want, I don't really care. Now turn left, if you feel like it, personally I wouldn't bother - what's the point? Oh God! Anyway, you've probably got things to do, everyone seems to be going somewhere, doing stuff. Oh, sorry, you should have turned right back there at the last junction. You can turn right just here, it might get you there, I don't really know, oh, look stop that person there on the left and ask.
http://www.satnavvoices.com/ where you can download: sexy, naughty, rude, cool, celebrity etc. voices for your sat nat.... made me laugh!
Milton Keynes with Satnav is the worst ... At the next roundabout...At the next roundabout...At the next roundabout...At the next roundabout...At the next roundabout...At the next roundabout... by that point, you do become pretty rude to the thing! however, with a wife who can't map read, and lacking the patience to route plan in advance - it has to be said that I am an appreciator of satnav.
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