Phoning it In

The term “phoning it in” is one that actors use to describe a lazy performance by an actor, the idea being that he’s not really there, on stage, “in the moment” – his body may be there but his mind isn’t, it’s at home, on the sofa with a couple of beers watching I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. So, with regard to his performance, he’s phoning it in from home. It’s a very expressive phrase and one I saw perfectly brought to life in one actor’s performance recently – he was on stage doing the lines and the moves but his heart really wasn’t in it and we could all tell (and he wasn’t from the agency I work for, I must point out!)

But before the actor gets the job, a casting director for television or a theatre director usually rings the office with an audition. We have a tried-and-trusted phone book where we write down every call that comes in. Incoming in red, outgoing in black (or blue when someone’s nicked every black pen in the place).

What could be simpler? And on a quiet day, when not much is going on, it’s easy.
(nb all names have been changed to protect the guilty)

Eric Boggins from Northern Television rang with interview for Claire Green for role of Brenda Heart in A Hearty Welcome, new Northern soap, Tuesday 28th November, 3.30pm. Tel 0113 2868686. Only ring back if she can’t make it and they’ll email script for her to look at.

Then, in black:

Claire Green: yes, that’s fine, she’ll be there.

But on days like today, Eric rings, and you try to ring Claire, and her phone’s switched off because she’s working and you leave a message, and when she does get back she says the day is fine but can you make it earlier because she needs to catch a train at three o’clock to Manchesterford.

So you ring Eric back and he’s not there now. So you leave him a message.

And then in the next hour you get calls from a roleplay company seeking any one of three people (none of whom is available because they’re all rehearsing pantomime, oh yes they are), and a theatre company letting us know that an actor didn’t get the job, (it’s good that they rang – theatre and television don’t usually let you know unless you did get the job), and three new applicants to the agency, and a casting director offering some general auditions, and an actor asking where he’s working in Oxford tomorrow, and a query about digs in Northampton, and oops! I find I have been unable to keep up with the phone book and have gone down the sad and sorry route of WRITING THINGS ON BITS OF PAPER.

How many years have I been here? Why do I still do this? At the end of the day I then find a billowing pile of paper with scribbled notes on and can’t leave the office until I’ve made them into some sort of sense in the phone book. Because if I leave it until tomorrow, they will no longer make any sort of sense and I will be reduced to ringing actors and telling them they’ve got an audition. For something. Not quite sure what. Or whom they’ll be meeting. Or what time. Or what day. Or whether they need to do an audition piece when they get there.

No, writing things on bits of paper is not good, take it from me. But I’ve yet to find a better system.