Sunday, May 27, 2012

It Doesn't Scan

I have a Bodyline card.  It's a Leeds Card thingy where, for £25 a month, I can swim at any time off-peak in any of the Leeds pools and could also use the gym if I like (I keep meaning to try it but never have had time!)

Because I swim several times a week, and because a swim costs four pounds something now, I definitely get my value from it.

How it should work is - - I hand it to the person behind the desk, they scan it on their little machine, and it should register that it's me.

However, this is not what happens.  Because my card doesn't scan.  It never has scanned.  I don't know why.  Perhaps it travelled in the post with a magnet or suchlike when it was sent to me.

There are three or four people behind the desk at the pool and they just never take on board that my card doesn't scan.

So we always have a conversation that goes like this.

ME:  One swimmer please.  Here's my Bodyline card.  But it doesn't scan.

DESK PERSON:  I'll just scan it.

ME:  It doesn't scan.

DESK PERSON:  (trying to scan it)  That's odd.  It doesn't scan.

ME:  No, it never has done.

What happens next depends on the desk person.

DESK PERSON:  (Young and keen) Oooh!  It doesn't scan!  Oooh!  What do I do now?

ME:  You type in the numbers instead.

YOUNG KEEN DESK PERSON:  Okay!  (They type in the numbers.  Hurrah.)


OLD GRUMPY DESK PERSON:  So why doesn't it scan?

ME:  I don't know.  It never has done.

(Old Grumpy Desk Person glares at me suspiciously)

OLD GRUMPY DESK PERSON:  So have you done something to it?

ME:  (looking guilty)  No, it's always been like that.

OLD GRUMPY DESK PERSON (with an air of supreme self-sacrifice)  I'll have to - - (dramatic pause)  - - type in all the numbers myself now.  (Deep sigh).

I have been swimming at that pool since December 2009 and nobody has EVER remembered that I have a card that doesn't scan so I have to have this conversation EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Yes, yes, I know.  There are worse problems.  Okay, I'll shut up now.


Blogger Yorkshire Pudding said...

It's all part of a carefully constructed plan to turn you into a lunatic. They're all in on it - all of them.

7:59 pm  
Anonymous Jo said...


9:42 pm  
Blogger Jennyta said...

I'm with YP.

9:50 pm  
Anonymous Ruth said...

Why don't they simply provide you with a replacement card. One which does scan. Or is that too simple?

1:31 am  
Blogger rhymeswithplague said...

Gotta love those Brits.

The music goes round and round and it comes out here.

Well, I understand what I'm saying even if you don't.

12:23 pm  
Blogger Jan Blawat said...

Wow, I joined a club a couple of months ago so I could swim and was really impressed that the second time I walked through their doors they knew my name (without seeing it on my card), they knew how many towels I wanted, and they knew that I wanted a locker in the 20s. Every single one of their front desk employees has memorized all the information they need to know about the members. I'm impressed. One day I'd misplaced my card and the lady at the counter said, "That's okay, Jan, here are your towels and your key." This kind of service is unheard of in the U.S., I still can't believe it. If you ever come to my area, I'll take you there to swim.

4:11 pm  
Anonymous Oliver said...

I know why it is! You've only dealt with reasonably intelligent people in your jobs since I was born, so you've forgotten what it's like to deal with the general public.

Most things that most people say when interacting with customer service staff are absolute bollocks. When most people say "my card won't scan" they mean "my card didn't scan once because I had folded it in half and inserted it into my nostril that day."

So you nod, you agree, but you scan the card. And if the card doesn't scan, you are shocked, and you stare at the Intelligent Customer like she has has demonstrable superpowers.

7:31 pm  

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