Saturday, April 10, 2010

So Why The Long Face?

I only have about three favourite jokes and they're all bad but this is one of them.

A horse goes into a pub and orders a steak pie, a packet of crisps and a beer.

After a while the landlord goes over to the horse and asks if everything is all right.

"Yes, fine, thank you," says the horse.

"Errr - - - are you sure?" asks the landlord.

"Yes, certain," says the horse.

"Pie okay?"


"Crisps okay?"


"Beer okay?"


The landlord pauses a moment and looks at the horse.

"So why the long face?"

There were a few long faces (ohh, seamless link, Daphne!) at the Grand National today.

Some of them, no doubt, were to be seen on anyone concerned with the horse St John's Castle. It took one look at all the horses waiting to start and thought - - "Hey, wait a moment, this looks really scary and would be far easier without a rider."

It took a while, therefore, for the jockey to get on its back but the horse had made up its mind. The other horses all galloped off at top speed but St John's Castle lived up to its name and stood firm and solid.

Several other horses fell over. They always do in the Grand National and this is because there are lots of horses all crowded together: they have to jump thirty jumps: and the jumps are huge. The side they land on (to use a technical term) can be a lot lower than the side they jump from so they are taking a huge great leap into the unknown.

So why do they do it? Well, I think most horses don't think too carefully about things. They don't often pause to think "Actually, you know, I'd rather be back in my field."

Also, they do seem to like running and jumping in a herd - - it's what horses do. When they lose their riders, they still keep right on doing it.

Is it cruel? Every year there are those who try to get the Grand National banned because of its cruelty. The jumps are too high: the jockeys hit the horses too hard.

I'm really not sure. If the Grand National is cruel, then I expect other races are too - - perhaps the jumps aren't so high, perhaps not so many horses fall, and perhaps they don't tend to get killed so often.

But of all the cruelty to animals in the world, this doesn't seem to be that bad. I don't know a thing about horse racing and my only venture into gambling was once winning £7.50 on the office sweep on the Derby so "informed opinion" is not something you're getting from me! Unlike with every other opinion I've ever put forward, obviously.


Blogger ifmusicbe said...

I want to know what the other 2 jokes are if they're of the same caliber!

7:35 pm  
Blogger Silverback said...

Daffy, I fear you've not mastered one of the key points to being a successful stand up comedienne.

Don't tell us the punch line first.

In the great tome that is Comedy 101, that's 1.

8:58 pm  
Blogger Daphne said...

Silverback - - I never said I could tell jokes. I'm just here to laugh at them. I think they're quite interesting told backwards. A giraffodil.

ifmusicbe - - What's tall and smells nice? (See my answer to previous comment). I'm saving the third one for later. And thank you for reading my blog!

9:17 pm  
Anonymous Tony McCoy said...

Thank you for your expert insights into the world of horse racing. If only I had read your blog earlier, I wouldn't have had to wait sixteen years for my first winner. Brilliant joke by the way!

12:15 pm  
Blogger Daphne said...

Tony - you're very welcome. And if you want to win again next year, I suggest you choose a very fast horse: don't fall off it or let it fall over at the jumps: stay fairly near the front but don't lead or your horse will get too tired. Then put a bit of a spurt on at the end. Hope this helps.

9:51 pm  

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