Outing at the Theatre
An exciting new venture by the deeply, deeply stupid Arts Council is an addition to the form for theatre companies applying for grants.
They are being asked to state on the form how many board members are bisexual, homosexual, heterosexual or whose inclinations are "not known". Presumably "not known" is Arts-Council-speak for someone who, quite sensibly, writes "fuck off and mind your own business".
Why has the Arts Council done this? Because they're intrusive politically-correct gits who shouldn't be left in charge of anything at all?
No, apparently because "We see diversity as broader than race, ethnicity, faith and disability".
Sir Ian McKellen, who is a Good Thing and who was jolly kind to me when I was a stage-struck teenager, commented, "It shouldn't be on a form. It's quite inappropriate."
Of course, he's gay, and a lot of gay people work in the theatre, after all.
And, d'you know what, a lot of gay people work in everything else too. And it's none of anyone's damned business, including the Arts Council's.
Now then, we have to remember that this is the same group of idiots - can you tell that I really feel quite strongly about this? - who axed the funding to the excellent Compass Theatre Company.
Poor old Compass made the fundamental error of putting on plays that people might actually want to see. And no, they weren't of the Crikey Vicar Where Are My Trousers? kind, and they weren't of the Naughty Girls on a Hen Night kind either. They were just good, well-acted, well-directed plays, done with wit and flair: their adaptation of Dickens' Hard Times was one that I really enjoyed.
But, in the world of the moronic fools of the Arts Council - now don't hang back, Daphne, tell it like you see it - any new play, no matter how totally and utterly shite from the deepest dunghill of deadly drama, is better than any tried-and-tested play. So any new play, therefore, is more deserving of funding, no matter how thick and useless the company that puts it on (really, if I get one millimole more angry I'll be naming names, oh yes).
And if the board of the company are gay, or bisexual, or have a less than usual interest in penguins, then so much the better - it ticks a few more boxes of Political Correctness and all the dickheads at the Arts Council can sleep more soundly in their beds, knowing they have made a true and valid contribution to British culture.
It's offensive to us all in equal measure, whether we're straight, gay, transvestite, transexual or from Transylvania - ah - ah -ah. Sorry, went a bit Rocky Horror Show there.
So here's my Cunning Plan for all theatre companies applying for grants. It's called the "I Am Spartacus" Plan. Let's tell them that every single member of the board and that every single member of the cast of every play is a one-legged gay black Druid. That way all grant applications will be successful. Let's bleed the bastards dry.
They are being asked to state on the form how many board members are bisexual, homosexual, heterosexual or whose inclinations are "not known". Presumably "not known" is Arts-Council-speak for someone who, quite sensibly, writes "fuck off and mind your own business".
Why has the Arts Council done this? Because they're intrusive politically-correct gits who shouldn't be left in charge of anything at all?
No, apparently because "We see diversity as broader than race, ethnicity, faith and disability".
Sir Ian McKellen, who is a Good Thing and who was jolly kind to me when I was a stage-struck teenager, commented, "It shouldn't be on a form. It's quite inappropriate."
Of course, he's gay, and a lot of gay people work in the theatre, after all.
And, d'you know what, a lot of gay people work in everything else too. And it's none of anyone's damned business, including the Arts Council's.
Now then, we have to remember that this is the same group of idiots - can you tell that I really feel quite strongly about this? - who axed the funding to the excellent Compass Theatre Company.
Poor old Compass made the fundamental error of putting on plays that people might actually want to see. And no, they weren't of the Crikey Vicar Where Are My Trousers? kind, and they weren't of the Naughty Girls on a Hen Night kind either. They were just good, well-acted, well-directed plays, done with wit and flair: their adaptation of Dickens' Hard Times was one that I really enjoyed.
But, in the world of the moronic fools of the Arts Council - now don't hang back, Daphne, tell it like you see it - any new play, no matter how totally and utterly shite from the deepest dunghill of deadly drama, is better than any tried-and-tested play. So any new play, therefore, is more deserving of funding, no matter how thick and useless the company that puts it on (really, if I get one millimole more angry I'll be naming names, oh yes).
And if the board of the company are gay, or bisexual, or have a less than usual interest in penguins, then so much the better - it ticks a few more boxes of Political Correctness and all the dickheads at the Arts Council can sleep more soundly in their beds, knowing they have made a true and valid contribution to British culture.
It's offensive to us all in equal measure, whether we're straight, gay, transvestite, transexual or from Transylvania - ah - ah -ah. Sorry, went a bit Rocky Horror Show there.
So here's my Cunning Plan for all theatre companies applying for grants. It's called the "I Am Spartacus" Plan. Let's tell them that every single member of the board and that every single member of the cast of every play is a one-legged gay black Druid. That way all grant applications will be successful. Let's bleed the bastards dry.
posted by Daphne at 8:40 pm
6 Comments:
I agree with you. I hate all this labelling and pigeon-holing people in boxes to make the ORGANISATION feel better so it can run around preaching just how bloody diverse it is. Yet more political correctness we could do without.
Gareth points out that it has epically FAILED in its purpose anyway.
There was us thinking that we fought for the "Q" to be added on to our LGBT... we obviously didn't, never mind.
Shall we have sixty million gender/orientation options, so that everyone fits?
Or shall we... oh I KNOW, MIND OUR OWN FECKING BUSINESS?
Here here sister! I'm grinning like an idiot! My not being involved in any aspect of the theater (I'm American and we spell funny)didn't stop me from understanding your angst. I continued to chuckle as I pictured all your Spartaci, or Spartacus's trying to circle around Stonehenge during the summer solstice!
I do very much agree with Sir Ian and couldn't put it better myself.
Wow, thanks Debby, and I hadn't even commented yet !! No need to be formal though.
But seriously, gays in the theatre ? Surely not. Aren't they all flight attendants ?
You'll be telling me next there are Jews too.
So go Daphne. Love it when you talk naughty.
My dad has long been of the opinion that if you are a one legged black single parent lesbian you can get anything that's going from the council. (Ooops, we'll have the thought police visitng this blog now!)
I will second, third and fourth that!! I was always taught to tick 'mind your own fecking business' on those forms, be it asking for religion, sexual orientation or nationality, and I will continue to do so! On a purely burecratic level, I know why they're asking but oh my GOD I'll be damned if I'm going to ever give a straight (haha) answer.
I completely agree with your comment about new plays needing more funding than established ones - there will always be an audience for Dickens, let's give the little guys a hand! (Did you happen to see Scuffer at the WY Playhouse a couple of years ago? Brand new, and so brilliant I saw it twice - it even made the towerblocks beautiful...)
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