On trying to be Dr Dolittle

I was a big fan of Hugh Lofting's Dr Dolittle books when I was a child - though they'd be very old-fashioned now. Dr Dolittle was subsequently portrayed - in a rather odd yet strangely enjoyable musical film - by Rex Harrison . He was the dashing, debonair actor who couldn't quite sing so spoke his way through all the songs, most memorably, perhaps, in My Fair Lady with Audrey Hepburn.

Anyway, the crucial thing about Dr Dolittle was that he could talk to animals and this was a skill that, as a child, I really coveted.

I've never managed it to Dr Dolittle standards but I must say, I've picked up quite a lot along the way. Such as that, if you stare at a cat with wide-open eyes, it sees that as a threat, as that's what cats do to intimidate each other. Our minuscule cat Froggie sees off quite a few intruders to our garden that way.

On the other hand, if you look at your cat and narrow your eyes that's a friendly greeting and it will do it straight back to you. Well, Froggie does, though obviously she understands every word we say anyway and is vastly superior to all other cats.

I saw a documentary about a child who'd been brought up with a pack of dogs and she was doing this too - never made full eye contact as that would be interpreted as a threat.

My latest achievement is learning a few words of Sparrow.

I am an obsessive feeder of birds - yes, okay, you can stop laughing, those who know me, I am an obsessive feeder of anything that eats, I admit it.

I have over the past few years tried to stop the national decline in house sparrows by cultivating my own little flock, now numbering at least a couple of dozen.

Every morning, when I put the food out, I have been hearing one of them, from the ivy on the garage, saying "T-t-t T-t-t" - that's the nearest that I can write it - it's a cross between the letter t and a click.

And, very soon afterwards, the whole flock shows up. So I reckoned that this must be Sparrow for "She's putting the food on the bird table - get over here now".

Over the past few days, I have practised this little Sparrow sentence, until I reckoned I'd got it near perfect.

This morning I thought I'd try it. So, as I went out, feeling a bit self-conscious, I spoke in Sparrow. I suspect my grammar wasn't perfect as I was probably saying "She's putting the food out" rather than "I'm putting the food out" but, much to my amazement, it worked - two dozen sparrows instantly appeared from various different sets of bushes.

Another new skill for my cv.