Of Rabbits and their Religion

Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it -

Cole Porter certainly does it. He writes witty lyrics.

Most people, however, don’t. They try, but what they end up with is tortured rhymes, which they hope will pass for brilliance.

And, searching vainly for something interesting to listen to on my way home from Sheffield tonight, I heard the lines about the Jewish rabbits.

It was in an extended version – with some verses which are usually omitted, and I can see why - of the song Spring, Spring, Spring, which is from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, which is a musical I’ve never seen. Even so I was surprised to hear about the rabbits and their religion and their wearing of long monks’ dress, particularly because of their Semitic persuasion.

And Spring Jewish rabbits
Bring on their new habits

After a bit of thought, and long after I’d changed stations, I realised that the rabbits probably weren’t Jewish at all and it was probably the much duller version:

And Spring to each rabbit
Brings on a new habit

But it’s a dreadful lyric: I actually preferred it when the rabbits were wearing yamulkas and eating gefilte fish. And later on in the song came

And if for the stork you pine
Remember the porcupine

NO! Please don’t do this, it hurts my ears and tangles my brain.

Now, as a matter of fact (modest cough) I have a bit of a facility with tortured rhymes myself. But do I feel obliged to inflict them on an innocent public? No, I do not. I enjoy them quietly, in the privacy of my own home, after dark. And if anyone else feels they must write verse along these lines, so should they.