Whilst Waiting for Father Christmas

Emily and Gareth have thoughtfully put a very large glass of Bailey's out for Father Christmas and I am just waiting until they go to sleep and I can hear the sound of approaching reindeer, and then I'll make sure that Father Christmas doesn't trip over the glass because it would be a shame if it were to go to waste.

Meanwhile, I have decided to make an announcement. I have wrapped my last present.

Now that doesn't mean I am not going to give presents any more - far from it, I love choosing and giving presents. It simply means that I am not going to wrap them.

I made this announcement with regard to sewing a few years back and nobody seems to care or even to have noticed. The sewing was always a struggle - I can't tell you how much I hate doing anything fiddly. At school I took six weeks of sewing lessons to put in a zip, very badly, and made a mental note that any future clothes could remain unzipped for all I cared.

The peak of my sewing prowess was winning a prize for my hand-sewn buttonholes. Oh, the effort it took to get the sodding things right. But finally, there they were, rows of perfectly even stitches, and I think I can safely say that this skill has been of NO USE AT ALL in later life.

I began to sense that my present-wrapping skills were not going to be all they might be when we were continually made to back exercise books at school using old bits of wallpaper. My books looked bent and hideous by the time I'd finished with them, and covered with bits of Sellotape sticking out at strange angles.

But nobody seemed to understand that I couldn't do it: that I couldn't sew neatly or back books: they simply thought that I wasn't trying. But I was. And it still looked shit.

A few years ago someone approached me with a button that needed sewing on, and instead of reluctantly doing the wretched thing (because yes, I do know how to), I smiled regretfully and muttered demurely, "Sorry, I don't do sewing." AND IT WORKED! THEY WENT AWAY!

So from now on, I don't do wrapping presents. This doesn't necessarily mean that if you get a present from me, it won't be wrapped, because one of Stephen's skills is his hospital-corner-present-wrapping and luckily he seems to regard this as one of his jobs.

But it does mean that if I can't get someone else to wrap it for me, it won't be wrapped. It will be in some kind of festive carrier bag and it will be labelled and it won't mean I love you any the less and I will have taken much care in choosing it.

But it won't be wrapped. I hope that's clear and I hope you don't mind.