The Amazing Art of Camouflage

What was it about Jeffrey Archer that reminded me of this? - - Anyway, it's a chameleon.

Of course, you can hardly see it, what with chameleons being masters of camouflage and all. If you peer really closely at your screen you might just be able to spot it, balancing on a piece of wood in the middle of the picture. The way it's changed colour to match that twig - astonishing!

This one is a baby that lives in Silent World aquarium, in a well-appointed vivarium. We are told not to stare at it too hard, as this gives the poor thing the impression that its camouflage isn't working (yes, I know, I know) and makes it feel threatened.

As well as their totally amazing ability to change colour to match their surroundings (please don't tell him. It would break his heart), baby chameleons have another method of escaping detection. Because the terrain where they live is windy, and hence the branches blow about, the baby chameleon constantly rocks backwards and forwards to simulate the branch's movement.

Only problem: this chameleon is in a tank. The branch is as still as only a branch in a very still tank can be.

So there we have this bright green lizard on a dark brown twig, rocking backwards and forwards in the hope of not being seen, and yet only succeeding in being the most visible lizard in the whole of Silent World. Whole groups of people enter the room and the first thing they say is "HEY! LOOK AT THAT BABY CHAMELEON!"

Which, for a chameleon, is a bit of a bummer.

After about three years, apparently - for chameleons are not at the Mensa end of reptile intelligence - the baby chameleon wakes up one morning with a blinding revelation. "Hey up, just a minute," it thinks, "I've worked something out. THERE'S NO WIND!" (Ignore previous post about anthropomorphism. I take it all back).

And from then on, the chameleon stops rocking, relying only on its superb ability to blend in with absolutely anything that happens to be bright green with beige splodges. It could hide for years on our dining-room carpet, but otherwise, it's got no chance.

If by any chance you were wondering why the world isn't knee-deep in chameleons, I think you now know the answer.