How to Write a Splendid Essay
When I was teaching in the early eighties, the exam which is now called GCSE was called 16+. There were two sets of grades - O-level (the gateway to Everything) and CSE (not much use really, unless you got a Grade 1, which counted as an O-level). So it was our task to drag the unwilling teenagers over the border from CSE Grade Two to O-level
As part of this exam in English the candidates had to write something like a dozen long pieces of writing (hah! not very long in some cases) and we would pick five to send to the lucky external examiner who would groan quietly and agree with whatever mark we had given them.
These were called "essays" and in our English department we mentally divided them into two kinds.
Type 1
Whatever the nominal topic - A Day at the Seaside! My Most Moving Experience! The Day I saw a Ghost! The Beauty of Trees! the first kind would start like this:
Me and my mates was sat on this bench. We was bored.
After this exciting start the spelling would get worse, the grammar would fly even further out of the window and a few short sentences later it would come to its dramatic conclusion which was one of several options along these lines:
and we played in the sand and had a luvly time
and so we all moved into the new house
and then I saw a gohst and it was realy scarry
and there were some trees and they were beatiful
Type 2
These were of the kind written by Clever Bastards (such as my brother, who may even have composed the first line, below). Whatever the topic (see above) their first line would be
Charles picked up the brick
And why? Because this is a Good First Line which any examiner would fall on with joy. Charles is a middle-class name and hence opens up a myriad possibilities as to why he picked up the brick. The Clever Bastard would then write a grammatical, paragraphed, interesting essay with perfect spelling and get himself or herself a grade A O-level. In fact, if I were still teaching today I would recommend that line as a good opener to just about any topic.
Try it for yourself, if you don't believe me.
And now I'm off to the Lake District for a week - - - more news when I can get to a computer with internet access. I love remote places with scenery. And a good phone signal. I find it rather traumatic that the two don't always go together.
As part of this exam in English the candidates had to write something like a dozen long pieces of writing (hah! not very long in some cases) and we would pick five to send to the lucky external examiner who would groan quietly and agree with whatever mark we had given them.
These were called "essays" and in our English department we mentally divided them into two kinds.
Type 1
Whatever the nominal topic - A Day at the Seaside! My Most Moving Experience! The Day I saw a Ghost! The Beauty of Trees! the first kind would start like this:
Me and my mates was sat on this bench. We was bored.
After this exciting start the spelling would get worse, the grammar would fly even further out of the window and a few short sentences later it would come to its dramatic conclusion which was one of several options along these lines:
and we played in the sand and had a luvly time
and so we all moved into the new house
and then I saw a gohst and it was realy scarry
and there were some trees and they were beatiful
Type 2
These were of the kind written by Clever Bastards (such as my brother, who may even have composed the first line, below). Whatever the topic (see above) their first line would be
Charles picked up the brick
And why? Because this is a Good First Line which any examiner would fall on with joy. Charles is a middle-class name and hence opens up a myriad possibilities as to why he picked up the brick. The Clever Bastard would then write a grammatical, paragraphed, interesting essay with perfect spelling and get himself or herself a grade A O-level. In fact, if I were still teaching today I would recommend that line as a good opener to just about any topic.
Try it for yourself, if you don't believe me.
And now I'm off to the Lake District for a week - - - more news when I can get to a computer with internet access. I love remote places with scenery. And a good phone signal. I find it rather traumatic that the two don't always go together.
posted by Daphne at 11:45 pm
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