Sunday, February 10, 2008

Not About a Very Steamy Sex Scandal

Yes, sorry, I do apologise, it's really not about a very steamy sex scandal. But I hoped that the words "sex scandal" might tempt you to read on.

"Hospital Cark Park" is not so exciting a title. But don't go away, please, I will try to make it as thrilling as possible. Though I'll fail, doubtless.

At St James's Hospital there used to be two visitors' car parks and they are almost invariably full. So they built a shiny new multi-storey car park.

Then, for some reason that I don't yet understand, they held interviews to find Leeds's Most Stupid Person and gave him (or her, I'm not sexist) the job of labelling the car park.

As you drive in, it says that you can only pay on floor L0.

No indication of where this mysterious floor might be. But as you progress up and down, you come to such notices as this:

Quite apart from my English-teacherly desire to get a big red pen and put a full stop after "you" and a capital letter for at the start of "It", there is no further explanation, except a door next to it. Which was locked.

Then we come to such excitements as this:

So is B2 above or below B1? It's below it, since you ask. Might B stand for Beckett, perhaps? What's the red herring about the Bexley Wing? And where's level 0?

Shall we go up a floor or two? Yes, let's. Now what do we find?

So what's on Level L1 then? And how do we get to the mysterious Level L0 when we want to pay? And how much is it?

Still, there's a lovely view of some of the least pleasant bits of Victorian Leeds from the top:

Interestingly, as you go up and down on the ramps from one floor to the next, you have to drive on the right, not on the left as you do everywhere else in Britain. Whereas this might be all very well for some readers of this blog who are used to such strange things, I think such counter-intuitive planning will simply cause chaos to the good citizens of Leeds. And quite a lot of bumps, too.

But seriously, folks. If you're visiting your ill relative or friend you probably have more important things preoccupying your mind than how to work the sodding car park. Surely such things should be made extra easy at a hospital, not extra difficult.

Could you do a better job? Of course you could. Our cat could. How on earth do they manage to make such a comprehensive cock-up of such a simple thing?


Blogger Malcolm Cinnamond said...

I blame a lack of O levels.

12:11 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aaaaargh, hospital car parking! At the John Radcliffe in Oxford they have also changed car parking arrangements. There is still a secret permit system (fortunately I am in on the secret so buy my weekly £8 permit rather than paying the hourly rates which mount up horrendously if you visit as much as I do) but now you can only use these permits in STAFF car parks (and not in all of those) and of course there is nowhere near enough staff car parking (never mind not having enough visitor car parking spaces). But it's okay I was told by the car parking office, if you have a permit you are allowed to park on the double yellow lines as long as other people have already parked on the double yellow lines and as long as it is not on the restricted double yellow lines near the helipad.... aaaaaaargh!

9:28 am  
Blogger Dave said...

Yes, definitely 'o' levels. There must be an NVQ in car park design, by now, surely?

3:13 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:13 pm  

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