Saturday, November 06, 2010

Thoughts After a Sleepless Night

So - - - is it wrong to prioritise what YOU want, rather than trying to go for what everyone else wants?

My friend David suggested to me the other day that it might actually be right to do this.

He has a point. Another friend once said to me that when asked to choose a restaurant, I habitually say "whichever you prefer". And they might want to go to whichever I prefer, but I don't leave them that option.

The thing is, quite often I really, really don't mind. It's the people I'm with that I'm interested in, rather than the food, so as long as it's not one of those posy duck-in-chocolate-sauce-with-a-plum-jus type of places, then I'm happy.

However, I do find it hard to stick out for what I want. "What's the worst that can happen?"" asked David.

Well, everyone might be pushed into doing something they don't like, and they might be miserable, and I hate it - really REALLY hate it! - when people I care about are miserable.

So I spend half my life trying to please everybody and proably succeed in pleasing nobody. I'm sometimes described as "too unselfish" but I wonder if this approach is just a kind of inverted selfishness - - I don't want to choose, so I'll make you do it.

I always feel bad that I don't spend more time with the "oldies" in my life - - my mother, my friend Connie. I always feel bad that I don't get enough done. And yet I also feel bad that I'm working too hard - - and I feel selfish, too, because I love all my work, and yet I know it's too much sometimes and I should do less. And yet, at the moment, we need the money, whilst Olli and Gareth are both seeking permanent jobs - - - and then I think, what is "need"? To buy bread? To go on holiday? My definition of "need" is no doubt very different from some people's in the world.

Always I have a feeling that I don't deserve things. I feel I am SO not good enough. Always I'm working hard to try to earn the right to have anything. That sounds ridiculous, but it's true. And then I think - - well, Daphne, why are you so specially undeserving, when you don't think that other people are?

So, Daphne, what do you want to do? Spend time with my family and my friends. Stand and stare. Walk in the countryside, and on beaches. Swim. See more places, especially abroad. Listen to more music. Watch more television. See more films and plays. Read more.

And yet - - I love my work, too. I can't even work out what I want, let alone work out whether it's selfish or unselfish to decide what I want and then go all out to get it. Bah.

And now for something completely different. I've always liked this. I like the video too. Enough introspection!


Anonymous Ruth said...

You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time (Abraham Lincoln) SO shouldn't one of the people you try to please be you?
Of course an alternative to the Lincoln quote is that you can fool some of the people all of the time etc. Who are you trying to fool?
As you say, BAH! Love the song/video

7:43 pm  
Blogger Jennyta said...

As I quite often suggest to my clients, Daphne, isn't it important to take care of yourself (and that includes 'me' time)so that you can be there for others?

8:38 pm  
Blogger Yorkshire Pudding said...

DAPHNE Jenny above is of course a qualified counsellor. May I suggest a drive over to Wrexham followed by a lie-down on Jenny's couch. Don't worry if Paddy growls at you. He doesn't bite.

9:15 pm  
Blogger Ailbhe said...

"I don't want to choose, so I'll make you do it." I finally had to say to my mother "What I want is not to have to make the decision, please," to get her to stop saying "Oh I don't mind."

10:03 pm  

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