Saturday, August 08, 2009

Hanging Around at the Back

A couple of days ago I wrote on this blog about a verse which I dreamed, and then wrote down as soon as I woke up, before it drifted away from me for ever.

I mentioned then that this has happened to me quite a few times. I've written about it before, back in May 2006, but since some of you (thank you!) seemed intrigued by my dream verses, I thought I'd mention again the longest verse that I've ever dreamed - - or at least, the longest one I have remembered after waking up.

I dreamed that I was in a cinema and woke up with this in my head:

Always I had the feeling
Of hanging around at the back
Of standing behind the others
Always I felt the lack
Now I am moving forwards
Sidling down the side
The aisle is rather narrow
And I am rather wide
But what will I do in the morning
When I finally reach the front?
A realisation is dawning
I don't really know, to be blunt.

It's probably twenty years since this dream verse came to me and it's been in my head ever since. I have to say that it perfectly encapsulates the feeling I've always had that I'm somehow missing something, somehow less streetwise than others, somehow awkward, somehow failing in some unspecified way.

But the verse is quite positive in some ways - - there I am, moving forward - - "sidling down the side". As a matter of fact, I rather like that line - - I wish I'd written it! Of course, in a way, I did. I've tried from time to time to see if I've unconsciously copied it from anywhere. I've just Googled it again and can only find three hits - one of which is when I first posted it to my blog.

Of course, having found the original blog post with this verse, I read a few of the other posts from that time, with their jolly reminiscences of the Communist's idiosyncratic driving "THERE'S A CAR ON MY TAIL! THERE'S A CAR ON MY TAIL!"

I'm glad I wrote about them, whilst they were still so fresh in my mind, and before he became really ill. I think I was generally rather chirpier in those days than I am now. I'm so glad that I started this blog back in 2006, and I'm always very grateful to those who have helped me during the tough times of the last couple of years.


Anonymous ruth said...

It is fabulous to have a record that reflects happier, somewhat more carefree times. I'm also glad you started this blog in 2006, it is a joy to read, even when that joy is cloaked in sadness. Thank you.

7:21 am  
Blogger rhymeswithplague said...

One of my favorite reminders to myself comes from Alexander Pope:

Be not the first by which the new is tried,
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.

Also, on the inadvisability of being at the front, you do know how to identify the pioneers in an endeavor, don't you? They're the ones with the arrows in their backs (a little humour from the American Old West).

6:29 pm  

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