Saturday, October 07, 2006

Strictly Come Dancing Through Treacle

“Did you see Strictly Come Dancing?” asked the Communist.

They ask me this every week when the series is on, and I never have, because I’m not very interested in it.

But never mind, they’re going to tell me all about it anyway.

“There was that fat comedian. The one with a daughter. She was on television the other night too. I didn’t like him, he smiled at the audience all the time and you shouldn’t do that when you’re dancing. From Liverpool.”

“Jimmy Tarbuck?”

“Yes, but he wasn’t very good. I hope he gets knocked time. And Matt Dawson.”

“Who’s he?” (I have broken the first rule which is Ask No Questions)

“A rugby player. He was really good. And that newsreader. Ginger hair. Nicholas something.”


“Yes, him. And some girl called Emily Brunton. Quite pretty.”

“Emma Bunton? She used to be a Spice Girl.”

“Well what’s she doing this for then? And there were three black men, very good. One of them used to be on Coronation Street, but I don’t watch it. Rubbish. And a group of professional dancers. They were fantastic. And something called North Boys. Or maybe South Boys. Or East Boys. Four young men who all look like each other.”

“Do you mean Westlife?” (I swear to you I am not making this up)

“Yes, that’s it.”

The Communist had done all the talking so far, but now my mother interjected,

“Are they what you call a Boy Band?” This, I felt, was quite something as my parents have never really got as far as the Beatles in the Popular Music knowledge.

“Yes, that’s right.”

The Communist was back in full flight.

“Well where were their instruments? That’s not a band, no instruments. And Bruce Forsyth made a lot of jokes, but they all fell flat.”

It’s like watching television with the screen coated in a thick layer of black treacle. I can hardly wait for next week so I can miss it again and then find out later what happened to Emily Brunton and the North Boys.

The Communist and His Wife: Watching Television So You Don’t Have To.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

A band SHOULD have instruments. Without such they are infact a singing group and not a band.

TECHINCALLY any group of people is a band, but really if one is talking in a musical sense then they should have instruments and bloody play them.

10:31 pm  
Blogger John said...

And of course any group, or band of more than twelve people, with or without instruments, unlawfully assembled [ie bad haircuts, and dubious raiment] could constitute a riot and they would therefore have to be read the following:

"Our Sovereign Lord the Queen chargeth and commandeth all persons, being assembled, immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the act made in the first year of King George, for preventing tumults and riotous assemblies. God Save the Queen."

The Riot Act 1741

8:32 am  

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