Butch Cactus and the Succulent Kid
There are some things that just aren't interesting, and cacti and succulents are two of them.
But please bear with me, I shall do my best.
I don't really know what the difference is between a cactus and a succulent (stay with me, please, I promise it will get better) except that all cacti are from either North or South America, and succulent is a word that I really, really dislike, like moist, that's another one - - it just sounds - - ewwwwwwww.
You see, I like looking after people first, animals second, plants third: and part of this looking-after thing is providing food and drink. But cacti and succulents just don't count - they don't need enough looking after. Where's the fun in that? For the first few years I owned them I tried to convert them into proper plants by giving them lots of water, and yes, I did talk to them: "Evolve or drown, you boring bastards!"
They just kept on growing. Slowly.
You can, should you wish to, read the website of the British Cactus and Succulent Society which tries very hard to make them sound interesting. Some of them flower as often as twice a year! And you can go away on holiday (to Arizona, or Mexico, presumably, with Cactus Tours Travel) and leave them for two or three weeks and they will come to no harm! Yes, the blasted things will still be alive when you get back, damn them, as boring as ever.
Anyway, here are some photos of my cactus collection. Or it could be my succulent collection, I don't know and I don't care. Try not to get too excited.
Unlike these cacti (or succulents).
And now, some more. Brace yourselves.
I think the two on the right are auditioning for some Western. See, this is where they were meant to be, not on my bedroom windowsill.
The trouble is, they've been on that windowsill for years and years. They belonged to my grandmother, my mother's mother, who used to live with us. What is now our bedroom used to be her living-room, and these interesting cacti were on her living-room windowsill. When we bought the house from my parents, there they were. And there they still are.
She died in 1991, and she'd had them for ages then. So I can't get rid of them - they're a living link to her. And about every third time I draw the curtains I get speared by one of them, and it's jolly painful.
That's the first time I've ever written about cacti (or succulents): it may well be the last: I can hear you hoping that's the case. Meanwhile, here's a clip from a good film.
(It's set in AMERICA!! Did I happen to mention that I'm GOING TO AMERICA IN NOVEMBER?!!)
There are probably some cacti in the background somewhere.
But please bear with me, I shall do my best.
I don't really know what the difference is between a cactus and a succulent (stay with me, please, I promise it will get better) except that all cacti are from either North or South America, and succulent is a word that I really, really dislike, like moist, that's another one - - it just sounds - - ewwwwwwww.
You see, I like looking after people first, animals second, plants third: and part of this looking-after thing is providing food and drink. But cacti and succulents just don't count - they don't need enough looking after. Where's the fun in that? For the first few years I owned them I tried to convert them into proper plants by giving them lots of water, and yes, I did talk to them: "Evolve or drown, you boring bastards!"
They just kept on growing. Slowly.
You can, should you wish to, read the website of the British Cactus and Succulent Society which tries very hard to make them sound interesting. Some of them flower as often as twice a year! And you can go away on holiday (to Arizona, or Mexico, presumably, with Cactus Tours Travel) and leave them for two or three weeks and they will come to no harm! Yes, the blasted things will still be alive when you get back, damn them, as boring as ever.
Anyway, here are some photos of my cactus collection. Or it could be my succulent collection, I don't know and I don't care. Try not to get too excited.
Unlike these cacti (or succulents).And now, some more. Brace yourselves.
I think the two on the right are auditioning for some Western. See, this is where they were meant to be, not on my bedroom windowsill.The trouble is, they've been on that windowsill for years and years. They belonged to my grandmother, my mother's mother, who used to live with us. What is now our bedroom used to be her living-room, and these interesting cacti were on her living-room windowsill. When we bought the house from my parents, there they were. And there they still are.
She died in 1991, and she'd had them for ages then. So I can't get rid of them - they're a living link to her. And about every third time I draw the curtains I get speared by one of them, and it's jolly painful.
That's the first time I've ever written about cacti (or succulents): it may well be the last: I can hear you hoping that's the case. Meanwhile, here's a clip from a good film.
(It's set in AMERICA!! Did I happen to mention that I'm GOING TO AMERICA IN NOVEMBER?!!)
There are probably some cacti in the background somewhere.
posted by Daphne at 10:27 pm
5 Comments:
They are definitely cacti, possibly barrel cactus plants, but maybe another kind. Where I grew up in Texas, we had the prickly pear kind.
Succulents sound positively parasitic.
I get the point.
I understand you can't get rid of these family heirlooms but perhaps you could put them somewhere else. I am sure having something prickly in your bedroom is not a good idea. For all sorts of reasons. But please don't put them in the office or the spare room - I don't like cacti.
You know I rather like the word "succulent". Terms of endearment include "flower" and "petal" so why not "succulent"? We have had a particular cactus for twenty eight years and although it has taken these years it is now ten times its original size and I have just repotted it for only the third time with some special cactus compost that should help it to grow even higher. I like cacti and I thank you for your fascinating blogpost subject.
Bob - well, I'm glad they're cacti, not succulents - because whatever you say, YP, succulent is a horrid word. If I ever feel that can't stand them e moment longer there'll be on their way down the M1 to you, Mr Pudding.
Ruth - I agree - I think they're very bad feng shui but where else could they go? And Debby, I promise not to bring them with me when I come to AMERICA!
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